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I'm trying to understand and explain to my students why 'both of whom' is the correct answer in the following sentence:

"Credit must also be given to Katheryn and Aiden, both of whom I am immensely grateful for."

I understand why 'both of whom' would be used here, but I can't seem to explain why 'both of them' wouldn't work as well.

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  • What do you mean by being immensely grateful "for" both of them"? Why this rather than "... grateful to them? Whichever you use, what do you think might be wrong with your alternative? I might query the punctuation of your alternative, which is an independent clause or sentence rather than a subordinate clause.
    – Tuffy
    Commented Jun 17, 2021 at 22:40
  • Who is used as the subject of a verb; whom as the object of a verb or preposition. It's like he and him. "...and Aiden, to both of whom I am immensely grateful" is grammatically correct but, some would say, old-fashioned. You could say, "...and Aiden, and I'm immensely grateful to them both." We are usually grateful for someone's help, but grateful to them for helping.
    – Old Brixtonian
    Commented Jun 18, 2021 at 2:37
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    Whom is a relative pronoun in a relative clause that modifies Katherine and Aiden. You can try this different ways to confirm: Credit must be given to K and A, who are my best friends. Credit must be given to K and A, whom I am grateful for. Them is not a relative pronoun. However, with a change of punctuation / intonation, you don't need a relative clause: Credit must be given to K and A — both of them I am grateful for. Or, more naturally: Credit must be given to K and A — I am grateful for both of them.
    – Tinfoil Hat
    Commented Jun 18, 2021 at 4:09
  • You are grateful to someone for something they've done. You are grateful for someone if you're glad that they exist or are present in your life.
    – Canadian Yankee
    Commented Jun 18, 2021 at 15:26
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    Let's ignore the semantic difference between "grateful to" and "grateful for". If the second clause was a sentence on its own, it could be written "I am immensely grateful for both of them." To turn this into a relative clause, we replace them with the relative pronoun whom, as @ConsciousClay notes. However, we also have to change the order of words: "... for both of whom I am immensely grateful." The pronoun now relates to the object of the main clause. And finally, because we're modern and informal (or to annoy the purists), we swing the preposition to the end of the sentence. :-)
    – Chappo Hasn't Forgotten
    Commented Jun 19, 2021 at 7:15

1 Answer 1

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If a relative is formed with the help of a pronoun, that pronoun must necessarily be a relative pronoun, not a personal pronoun. About relative pronouns, Wikipedia explains:

In the English language, the following are the most common relative pronouns: which, that, whose, whoever, whomever, who and whom.

According to some dependency grammar theories, a relative pronoun does not simply mark the subordinate (relative) clause but also may be considered to play the role of a noun within that clause.

In your sentence, both of whom does 2 jobs:

  1. it introduces the relative clause both of whom I am immensely grateful for [or to in cases indicated in the comments1], modifying Katheryn and Aiden.
  2. it functions as a prepositional complement of for/to

Both of them is only able to do job nr. 2, so if you were to use it, the order of words would need to be changed. The phrase does not connect the first clause to the second in a subordinating way, so there is no reason for it to head the independent clause:

Credit must also be given to Katheryn and Aiden, I am immensely grateful for/to both of them.

Them is a personal pronoun which replaces Katheryn and Aiden, but does not modify those nouns in the way whom does.

1 Note that grateful for someone has known an increase in use since around 2000, grateful to someone has always had the upper hand and still does. I agree with the definition given in @Canadian Yankee's comment: grateful for someone means you are thankful that they exist.

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