In Russian we have the term "рукожоп". I would translate it as "asshands" which literally means that your hands grow out of your behind and you can't do anything right (or do anything at all).
Dad: "Hey son, can you hang up this picture on the wall?"
Son: "No dad, my hands grow out of my behind, I'll probably end up hanging it upside down" (Or "I am a _____" - i.e. the term I'm looking for.)
Is there anything similar in English? Is the term "screw up" the one? Or are there any other ones? I want slang specifically, preferably American.