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Which of the following two versions is preferable, and why:

  1. This document applies to all systems, people, and processes that constitute the organization’s information systems, including board members, directors, employees, suppliers, and other relevant parties.
  2. This document applies to all systems, people, and processes that constitute the organization’s information systems — including board members, directors, employees, suppliers, and other relevant parties.

The only difference between the two is whether a comma or an em dash was used to set off the final part of the sentence ("including board members..."). The purpose of this question is to better understand the difference between the em dash and the comma.

The following issues are not relevant to this question:

  • Whether people can properly be considered as part of an IT system.
  • Whether there should be spacing around the em dash.
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    An em dash normally denotes a slightly longer pause.
    – Ricky
    Commented Aug 2, 2018 at 18:37
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    In the particular case there's no useful difference but please don't use that particular case to build any more general rule. I would suggest dropping the comma in "people, and processes" and I'd also ask how this could matter, if it's useful to rule out whether there should be spacing around the em dash.
    – Robbie Goodwin
    Commented Aug 6, 2018 at 16:19
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    Neither works well; 'people' is best listed after 'processes', as the appositive ([including] board members, directors, employees, suppliers, and other relevant parties) refers solely to people. The sentence is clumsy and needs rephrasing.
    – Edwin Ashworth
    Commented Mar 5, 2021 at 14:41
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    It's a meaningless sentence. What does "applies" mean? That the named entities are the intended audience for the document, or that it relates to them in some way, or that it completely describes their behaviour?
    – Stuart F
    Commented Mar 31, 2023 at 14:45
  • In U.S. business usage, "suppliers" and "other relevant parties" (often termed "stakeholders") may be human or institutional: a company that manufactures solar panels may be a "supplier"; an industry association may be an "other relevant party." But none of the original categories that the document claims to apply to ("systems," "people," or "processes that constitute the organization's information system") clearly encompasses institutional suppliers or institutional stakeholders. Therefore, any attempt to identify the latter entities as a subset of these main categories is fatally flawed.
    – Sven Yargs
    Commented Jul 23 at 18:35

2 Answers 2

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An em dash is used to provide an aside.

Imagine you are speaking to an audience. You come across a word or idea you aren't sure they understand, e.g.:

The organisation's information systems.

Naturally, you pause mid-sentence to explain/define that idea. This is where your em dash comes in.

Is the comma separated sentence okay?

Sure. But it isn't as clear, nor as literate, as the alternative you offered.

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It’s a matter of taste and context.

I personally generally use em dashes in pairs for asides, or to clarify a sentence with many commas. In this case there are many commas but I find the em-dash jars rather and would not use it.

As in many case where there is a problem with clarity, I would split one sentence into two.

This document applies to all systems, people and processes that constitute the organization’s information systems.

This includes board members, directors, employees, suppliers and other relevant parties.

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  • ... systems. Included among the people are board members, ....
    – Edwin Ashworth
    Commented Jul 29, 2023 at 15:07

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