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I want to enumerate an incomplete but exemplary list of stakeholders and a basic property in a scientific/technical paper/proposal.

I'm unsure about what the most appropriate way to do so is.

Currently I do this:

Stakeholders in sensor bed data include: doctors, for patient data, facility management, for HVAC monitoring, equipment management, to improve bed logistics and the infrastructure provider, for instance Televic, to support preventive maintenance and obtain device statistics.

But it does not sound good and I'm unsure about the ":". Any suggestions?

  • Why not use an ordered(numbered) or un-ordered(bulleted) list? – BiscuitBoy Sep 8 '16 at 8:43
  • It wouldn't fit well into the flow of the rest of the text. – Sven Akkermans Sep 8 '16 at 9:15
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The colon isn't necessary but is quite helpful, particularly in a passage with so much specialist wording.

In a list like that I suggest not splitting both the elements and their explanations with commas, but promoting the elements to use semi-colons.

…doctors, for patient data; facility management, for HVAC monitoring; equipment management, to improve bed logistics…

That would mean dropping the 'and' before the final element; lists built with semi-colons treat all their elements equally since from the perspective of an element, there's no difference between first, intermediate or last.

Stakeholders in sensor bed data include: doctors, for patient data; facility management, for HVAC monitoring; equipment management, to improve bed logistics; the infrastructure provider, for instance Televic, to support preventive maintenance and obtain device statistics.

  • I like your suggestion of using commas and semi-colons. Parentheses would also work. – 0xFEE1DEAD Nov 22 '16 at 4:38

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