I'm looking for a word or a phrase that means taking offense but not actually showing it.
Mary was selfless, affectionate and ______ towards criticism/offense.
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Difficult. I might use chary or leery in some contexts, but not all, so this can only be a partial answer.
chary = discreetly cautious: such as
a: hesitant and vigilant about dangers and risks ”a government chary of getting involved in foreign entanglements”
b: slow to grant, accept, or expend ”a person very chary of compliments”
leery = if you are leery of someone, you do not trust them