Say someone helped you of their own volition. You express your gratitude for it. Then, whenever you have an argument over something, anything, they see it fit to repeatedly mention the fact that they helped you this one time or two times or so. Is there a word or an idiom fit for this situation?
5
-
1an immature person with underdeveloped communication skills, possibly because she is a brat and/or a whiner– NESCommented Nov 12, 2015 at 14:32
-
3This could be categorized as one form of emotional blackmail bpdfamily.com/content/… - The person is seeking to control your ability to think or act freely by using an obligation that you have towards them (or that they say you have).– chasly - supports MonicaCommented Nov 12, 2015 at 14:41
-
1Please could you give us an example of a sentence that shows how you want to use the term? Do you want a noun that means a type of person? Do you want an adjective that describes the person. Do you want a phrase that you would use to describe the situation?– chasly - supports MonicaCommented Nov 12, 2015 at 14:45
-
You're right chasly, I was looking for an adjective or a phrase/idiom. But this has been marked a duplicate, and as it appears, it is. But the responses on this particular post are much more interesting than the other one. I got to know an idiom I hadn't ever heard (Indian giver) thanks to FumbleFingers, got to read a great article on emotional blackmail thanks to you.– RaviCommented Nov 12, 2015 at 17:08
-
1@ermanen: I can't deny the two questions are sufficiently similar to justify closing this one. But there's a subtle difference in that this one seems to be more about the disingenuous benefactor boasting [to others] about how "noble" he was to have helped you, which is why I suggested Indian Giver. What he's taking in return (which was never offered) is enhancement of his own reputation. The original question doesn't really have that dimension, so I'd have probably answered bean-counter there.– FumbleFingersCommented Nov 12, 2015 at 18:08
Add a comment
|
3 Answers
I doubt there's a term for exactly OP's context, but to me it's an example of the (primarily AmE, possibly non-PC) idiomatic usage. From Wikipedia...
Indian giver
a person who gives a gift and later wants it back, or something equivalent in return
The original assistance wasn't in fact freely given, with no strings attached, even though it might have seemed so at the time. The "not-so-good Samaritan" seeks to be repeatedly "repaid" by aggrandizing themselves at your expense for the indefinite future.
answered Nov 12, 2015 at 14:47
-
1I think this is a good answer. I'll just point out that the expression isn't generally known outside of the US. It refers to Native Americans. In Britain, it would probably be taken to refer to people from India. That could cause confusion or even offence. Commented Nov 12, 2015 at 15:00
-
Well... I don't think this is correct for this situation. In the US, this expression is seldom used anymore, but originally it referred to physical things, such as giving someone a set of dishes only to ask for it back later, etc. (I think especially if later it was determined that the dishes had special value). I can think of several words to describe people who behave this way (during arguments), but I don't think this forum is low-brow enough to tolerate such postings. ;-)– Tim WardCommented Nov 12, 2015 at 16:02
-
@chaslyfromUK while en-US in origin, it did gain some currency in the UK along with several other expressions Americans had using "Indian", along with some like "Indian summer" that did indeed reference India. Consider the popularity of quasi-Indian references in Peter Pan and among the Boy Scouts and Order of Woodcraft Civalry. Most such phrases died out as based on rather suspect (and in this case, pretty ironic) ideas about ethnic groups, and the fashion for emulating patronising ideas of native Americans moving on to patronise other groups instead. Commented Nov 12, 2015 at 16:44
-
@chasly: I've known Indian giver since childhood, and it would never have occurred to me to think of it as referring to people from India. I've always understood it to be about the way [semi-]nomadic "native American" tribes would gather in annual multi-tribe meetings, to exchange/barter goods & women. With perhaps an allusion to that other practice (possibly made up/exaggerated) whereby a "big" chief would belittle lesser chiefs by presenting them with such extravagant gifts the recipients would be "humbled/beaten" (being unable to reciprocate by returning gifts of equal or greater value). Commented Nov 12, 2015 at 17:10
I would describe such a person as "petty":
mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things: a petty person
showing or caused by meanness of spirit: a petty revenge
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/petty)
First they give you something (help or assistance), then they essentially cancel it out by being petty about it.
Left-handed may refer to the insincere behaviour you are referring to:
- Of doubtful sincerity; dubious: left-handed flattery; a left-handed compliment.
The Free Dictionary