Why does a man ask for a woman's "hand" when he is proposing? It seems he gets much more than that!
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It does make you appear to be more of a gentleman, albeit a gentleman from around 1950s.– MistiCommented Jan 7, 2015 at 18:29
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It is a good question. Perhaps because the hand symbolises the joining together - hand in hand - the attaching of the ring, the tying of the knot etc.– WS2Commented Jan 7, 2015 at 18:56
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Certainly in some cultures the suitor would ask the woman's father for the right to marry her, and the father would signify that permission was given by physically placing his daughter's hand into the hand of the suitor. Whether this is the origin of the term, I can't say.– Hot LicksCommented Jan 7, 2015 at 21:06
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I always thought it was because the hand is the only part of the other person you get to touch during the marriage ceremony - until the officiant pronounces you married.– OldbagCommented Jan 8, 2015 at 4:01
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On the preagricultural Central Asian steppe, if the proposing man was deemed to come from an insufficiently high-caste tribal lineage, the bride's mother could opt to lop off her daughter's hand and force the upstart suitor to marry it. This is also the origin of giving the finger.– Jim ReynoldsCommented Jan 17, 2015 at 12:41
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2 Answers
Part of the history is that, according to Biblical scripture, there used to be a price paid for the daughter of a gentleman. The idea was that the woman would no longer be a working member of the father's family. (!) The price was measured in other property, paid to the father.
Some men prefer to ask their future in-laws for their blessing rather than to ask for permission. Blessing implicitly acknowledges everybody’s autonomy, and permission evokes ideas of the prospective fiancée as property and of a bride price payable in goats.
The expression may come from the tradition of handfasting, which is probably also the source of the expression "tying the knot."
Here's a great source for more info on handfasting:
