Like Coleopterist said, the capitalization is good, the formality is a bit off though. If you were trying to have a conversation with a Captain or an Admiral it would be a bit more formal like, Good evening or Good Afternoon, unless they are good friends. I understand this is really off topic and that you said that you tried to make it look artificial but formality is also important. This will probably get a lot of down-votes.

Like Coleopterist said, the capitalization is good, the formality is a bit off though. If you were trying to have a conversation with a Captain or an Admiral it would be a bit more formal like, Good evening or Good Afternoon, unless they are good friends. I understand this is really off topic and that you said that you tried to make it look artificial but formality is also important.