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1

You are correct. "...who put salary first" is a necessary part of the description of "those" and so must be written without commas. The first version is incorrect. Both sentences contain additional errors. There must be a comparative word such as "more" if the word "than" is to be used - and "in first place" is the correct way to use that phrase.


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The most literal translation of your example which has valid syntax and semantics and is reasonably idiomatic would be something like: People who love their jobs can more easily excel in their fields of work than those who put salary first.


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The key to any stylistic choice is to remain consistent. As such, as when representing a date range, you should pick a stylistic device and stick to it in all instances—unless there is a very specific reason to deviate in a particular instance. When it comes to date ranges, most style guides recommend using an en dash rather than hyphen. Also typically, ...


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I think it's more of a stenography/typewriting question. If you are writing it then you put it in the natural place. If you are typesetting it with a computer, you can kern it. See below the period is kerned by -0.8 em.


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