In Russian we have the term "рукожоп" I would translate it as "asshands" which literally means that your hands grow out of your behind and you can't do anything right (or do anything at all).

Example:

Dad: "Hey son, can you hang up this picture on the wall?"

Son: "No dad, my hands grow out of my behind, I'll probably end up hanging it upside down" (Or "I am a * the term I'm looking for *")

Is there anything similar in English?