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I feel like something is wrong with the ", notably" part, but I can't explain why! Is the following sentence grammatically correct?
Employees give relatively low scores across a variety of characteristics, notably the quality of the Marketing department's decisions, compensation, and having sufficient people resources.
(My problem with grammar is that it's completely intuitive, and I often can't explain the rules behind why something is wrong.)
I agree with RegDwight's comment and disagree with Robusto's (and Martha's).
Here's the thing: the sentence seems to be using the word notably as something of a drop-in replacement for a word like particularly, which would serve to describe the listed items as being more relevant to the point being made than those not listed, without implying that the unlisted items are somehow not notable.
I don't think it's common for notably to be used in this way; and as a result of this attempted coercion of its usage, the sentence sounds awkward to me.
Notably sounds much more natural in a context where it is used to single out one or more items as being the only notable aspect(s) of something. For example:
The President's speech included a large number of recycled talking points without revealing much that audience members had not already heard. Notably he did finally promise to lower taxes by the end of the year.
Here's another way of looking at it: the difference between notably and most notably is essentially the same as the difference between good and best. If I say, "Of the three presentations, the first was good," this suggests that the second and third presentations were not good. On the other hand, if I say, "Of the three presentations, the first was best," there is no such implication. Switching between notably and most notably creates an analogous contrast.
With that in mind, I would almost certainly change notably to something like particularly, especially, or most notably, as RegDwight suggested. This way the sentence could be interpreted as emphasizing the listed points without conveying the idea that the characteristics not mentioned are unimportant.
The only thing I would change in the original sentence is the order or wording of the comma-separated list itself; when I first read it, I thought the Marketing Department was at fault for all three issues. If the items are supposed to be in that particular order as the top 3 results, some extra specifiers might be helpful to eliminate the ambiguous structure: ... notably the quality of the Marketing department's decisions, the level of compensation, and the availability of sufficient people resources.
The sentence you quoted looks fine to me, but for what it's worth, here's another way to punctuate the sentence without changing any of the words.
Employees give relatively low scores across a variety of characteristics: notably, the quality of the Marketing department's decisions, compensation, and having sufficient people resources.
The sentence as quoted is almost okay to me, but I feel it's slightly underpunctuated. Granted, there are only three "notable" characteristics - but they're quite complex, so I think it's reasonable to use a semicolon to alert the reader that he needs to "take a breath" before reading on. In this context I feel the comma is insufficient.
Once the semicolon has been added, it's debatable whether there's any need for a comma after the word notably, but on balance I think it's a useful aid to clarity...
Employees give relatively low scores across a variety of characteristics; notably, the quality of the Marketing department's decisions, compensation, and having sufficient people resources.
Note - this answer is very similar to @ShreevatsaR's, the differences are I think the original isn't quite "fine", and I think a colon here is incorrect, regardless of whether a comma follows notably.
Punctuation dictates the flow of your sentence, therefore if you feel that the person reading it should take a short breath at that point, then so be it. If it's really bothering you, take the sentence apart and try to reword it differently.
Personally I find it fits perfectly, both reading it in my head and reading aloud.
DISCLAIMER: Born and lived first 22 years in the U.S.
I would probably change the sentence to something like:
Employees give relatively low scores across a variety of characteristics, specifically: their compensation, the quality of the Marketing department's decisions, and having sufficient people and resources to do their jobs.
The middle part still sticks out a bit. Perhaps change it to something more immediately relevant to the employees, or explain why it's as immediate as the other two items in this list?
