1

I had written the following sentence in a manuscript:

After each transaction, the balance of the sender account equals their balance immediately before the transaction minus the amount of funds transferred

which a native English speaker reviewer corrected as such:

After each transaction, the balance of sender account, equals the balance immediately before the transaction minus the amount of funds transferred

(The definite article before sender account was removed, an additional comma was added before equals, and their balance became the balance)

For context: this part of the manuscript describes how a monetary transfer-like transaction in a system implies that, for instance, if a person A has a balance of 100 pounds and sends 10 pounds to B, then immediately after the transaction takes place, A’s balance must be 100-10=90.

I am not a native speaker, but to me, a definite article the is really missing in the altered version. I would understand the change if the word account was also removed and the sentence would say ‘After each transaction, the balance of sender equals…’ The proposed version sounds strange to me.

Secondly, I think changing their to the makes the sentence less clear. Does it not make sense in English to refer to one’s balance? If the is used, the statement is no longer explicit about the fact that it is the sender’s balance that changes as described (as obvious as it is, but that is beside the point).

Thirdly, I also do not feel like a comma is needed before equals, but I may be wrong, of course. I am not very good at commas.

Do you think the proposed changes are indeed better in the grammatical and stylistic sense? I am happy to accept that I am wrong, but I would like some explanations for these changes to learn. Thank you in advance.

Improve this question
4
  • 1
    This is not an answer, but you might consider this: that there is a mathematical convention (practice) of omitting the definite article from a formula. For example, the formula for calculating the circumference of a circle may be stated as "circumference equals diameter times Pi.", with no definite article. I suspect that this numerical convention easily enters banking and economics formulae, as seen with "sender", being treated as a value.
    – Tuffy
    Commented May 6 at 20:22
  • Thank you for your insight. I agree, but I feel like there is a difference between a formula expressed in words (‘circumference equals diameter times pi’ is literally how one could read ‘C = d × π’. On the other hand, the sentence I have – in my opinion at least – is more of a regular textual description of a requirement rather than a mathematical formula. I typeset ‘sender’ in italics for emphasis, not because it represents a variable or value.
    – bp99
    Commented May 6 at 20:31
  • 2
    The comma harms the sentence, and the sender account is better than sender account. I prefer the balance, but their balance is okay, too. These are the procedures I write/edit in financial IT. I'd write "minus the amount of funds transferred out."
    – Yosef Baskin
    Commented May 6 at 20:57
  • @bp99 Yes, I am inclined to agree with you about that. indeed I think there is an argument about consistency if you omit the article before 'balance', when the article appears in a similar context twice later, and correctly so. So yes, I'd dig my heels in!
    – Tuffy
    Commented May 6 at 22:17

1 Answer 1

Reset to default
2

Your question refers to a manuscript rather than some online shorthand prose so the sentence should conform to normal usage.

Your sentence needs only one change. Using the genitive "sender's" makes clear that the account in question is that of the sender. I suggest this is a more common usage than making "sender" act as an adjective to qualify "account".

Hence:
After each transaction, the balance of the sender's account equals their balance immediately before the transaction minus the amount of funds transferred.

Your native speaker has corrupted the meaning in two ways and their sentence is no improvement on your own; indeed, it is worse; ignore it.

First, by using "sender" as an adjective to qualify "account" rather than the proper genitive "sender's".

Second, by inserting a comma after "account", the subject "balance" is separated from its verb "equals"; this makes the sentence confusing and incorrect.

Because you have not defined the direction of transfer, it may be more accurate (as another comment rightly suggests) to define an outward transfer as needing "minus", whereas in inward transfer would need "plus".

Improve this answer

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge you have read our privacy policy.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.