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I'm having a discussion with someone currently about the use of non-definitive answers to definitive questions, and am hoping StackExchange might be able to help me with this one!

The person I'm discussing with insists that "not really" is a correct response to a question that needs a yes/no answer. For example:

  • "Can he join us?"
  • "Can I go to the shop?"

I believe that these questions are definitive as they need a yes/no answer, and as such, "not really" doesn't make sense here. They are arguing that because "not really" is defined by Marriam Webster as:

"no" in a way that is not very forceful or definite

then it can be used in place of "no" for the above questions. My argument is that it doesn't make sense because someone cannot perform those actions partially, and as such it doesn't give a clear response. My point is that "I would rather not" or "I'm not really keen on the idea" would be correct reponses, but "not really" isn't.

I'm not sure how best to describe the point I'm trying to make, but the logic I'm trying to imply is that: "Can he join us?" -> "Not really." doesn't make sense as it fails to provide context. But "Can he join u2?" -> "No." / "I'm not really keen on the idea." do make sense because it is contextualised. So, would "Not really" without any further information or explaination be a correct response to a question like "Can he join us?"

I'd appreciate your help in settling this. Thanks!

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  • I'm having a hard time getting past "definative".
    – user888379
    Apr 22 at 0:41
  • What part of "not"? How do your equally polite counter "nots" sound more definitive? This is subjective, a question of courteous circumlocution, and "Marriam W" has answered your question, has it not, really?
    – livresque
    Apr 22 at 1:15
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    Your claims that they need a yes/no answer and "I would rather not" or "I'm not really keen on the idea" would be correct reponses seem to be contradictory. Can you clarify your argument?
    – MarcInManhattan
    Apr 22 at 1:25
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    Should this question be left open? Not really,for reasons given by the two closers. However, because the PO is new to the site and should be encouraged, and because the question has attracted reasoned discussion, I believe it should be left open.
    – Anton
    Apr 22 at 6:51
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    As is often the case, actual usage rather than what might appear logical determines acceptability amongst the Anglophone community and grammarians (if not logicians). Guinea pigs exist, even if they're not pigs and don't come from Guinea. 'More than one [person] was hurt in the accident' is correct, though 'more than one [person]' here = 'two or more [people]'. Merriam-Webster accurately reports accepted usage, with 'Not really' = eg 'It's probably physically possible, but unreasonable to expect.' 'Definitely not' is correspondingly a strengthened (rather than hedged) version of 'no'.
    – Edwin Ashworth
    Apr 22 at 11:02

2 Answers 2

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As some people mentioned in the comments, the issue comes from the assertion that a question is "definitive." Answering "not really" is a subtle challenge to the definitiveness of the question.

"Can he join us?" can be read a few ways which erodes the "definitiveness" of the question. For example, it could mean "does he have the capacity to join us?" or "will he be joining us?" While each interpretation may merit a yes/no answer, the ambiguity of which interpretation was intended invites the respondent to provide a softer answer - perhaps to subtly inform the speaker of the potential for confusion. A more precise answer might be "yes, he can join us - but he chooses not to" but if the original questioner only wanted to know whether he would be joining, this unnecessary clarification would come off as rude.

This "contextualization" of adding extra information to clear up uncertainty can have adverse effects by possibly sharing more information than the person was looking for.

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The person I'm discussing with insists that "not really" is a correct response to a question that needs a yes/no answer.

My point is that "I would rather not" or "I'm not really keen on the idea" would be correct reponses, but "not really" isn't.

Not really = not in reality; not in the sense you mean.

"Can he join us?"

Not really.

This is a perfectly good answer. “Can he join” is reduced from the strong form of “can”

  1. “Has he the ability to join us” – to which the answer is “Well, there is no physical reason why he would be unable to walk from where he is now to where we are.”

To the weak form:

  1. “Can he join us?” = “May he have your permission to join us?”

The answer to 1. is “Yes”. The answer to 2. Is “No.”

The answer to both is “Yes, but in reality (and the sense in which you mean it), "No", as I do not give my permission.” = “Not really.”

Consider a student of English

“Can I say “The weather are hot”?” –> it is clear that the student has the ability to say it, but it is equally clear that the verb is wrong and he should not say it. Therefore “not really”, is a good answer.

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