I constantly find myself being asked in my life by my friends and family for advice. Often, after listening to the friend or family member's dilemma, I find that the person who is asking for said advice knows (subconsciously or consciously) the answer. In these situations the person is looking for confirmation or acknowledgement in their position. I thought worrywart, might be a good fit, but the problem is that worrywart addresses trivial issues; in this situation, the issue is non trivial to the asker, but trivial to the answerer.

Is there a word that describes the situation?

As an example

Friend has been working all day, and as a result has developed a headache

Friend- should I work later or take a break?

(In this example the obvious answer to me, is take a break and recover. Being in a state of less than 100% is not conductive to being productive. However to my friend they are weighing the stress of money, thus making the issue non trivial to them)

Me to my friend - the answer is obvious. You ought to take a break. If you are not healthy you cannot work to make money. You are -insert word here-


2 Answers 2


Askhole appears to be an informal term used in this case:

someone who continually asks for advice but never follows it

  • Askholes can make their friends feel used and abused.

(MacMillan Dictionary)

From HuffPost.com:

What's an askhole, you ask? It's a word that's come up recently to describe someone who ask for your advice but never follows through on it. That in itself is aggravating enough, and you shouldn't do it. (By Jay Platt, Contributor Motivational Keynote Speaker, Coach, Author Mar 4, 2014 - Updated May 4, 2014)

  • 2
    It is not that they are not following the advice. It is not mentioned in the OP. They are asking for an advice when they already know it (or the options), more in a way to seek reassurance (or to weigh their options with someone else).
    – ermanen
    Dec 21, 2022 at 9:17
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    @ermanen - they actually don’t care for your answer, I think that are askhole in any case.
    – user 66974
    Dec 21, 2022 at 9:23
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    It is not mentioned in the OP that they don't care about the answer also. They are giving the options to someone else and asking which one to do. The answerer is giving their thoughts. If there is a particular person who is always doing this, it can become annoying in a way; but I don't think it is being an askhole in this scenario.
    – ermanen
    Dec 21, 2022 at 9:34
  • @user66974, thank you for your suggestion! In my circumstance, the people who ask me for advice are genuinely perplexed by their situation. I had seen someone suggest askhole in another question and thought it slightly missed because of this. I should have been clearer about the askers intention. My apologies! Dec 22, 2022 at 4:33

Theyre insecure about the absolution of or in denial of or desperately seeking anything but the answer that is the most fitting, or most obvious or most common. Or they're just getting second{+) opinions. Or they're looking for validating opinions to confirm their self-discovered answers.

Or they're hoping for a better answer that can cancel out the answer they have in mind, to eliminate its probability.

Or they're impossible people who don't really want answers to their hopeless incurable problems because they enjoy getting the attention from people wanting to help them.

My friend blew up at me once or twice when I was younger, interrupting my response to the answer he'd given me about whatever my dilemma or question was, as I started with "yeah, but what if...." He screamed "YEAH, BUT, YEAH, BUT, YEAH, BUT, YYYYEEEAAAHHHH BBBBUUUUTTTT!! BUT NOTHING BUT F*** OFF YOUR YEAH BUTS! YOU WANT THE ANSWER OR NOT? OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA KEEP ARGUING EVERYTHING YOU ASK ABOUT?". It took me a long time to understand what he was even meaning because I hadn't realized that I was sounding like I was discarding any kind of advice or answers that they could come up with in order to help me solve my problem or question. By saying "yeah, but..." tells them that I'd already known that their answer was wrong and that I was just trying to challenge them or prove that they couldn't come up with an answer cuz I'd already thought of it and knew that it wasn't right. Like as if I was trying to rub it in that they didn't ever know or think of the answer that I had already thought of and new and was looking for them to give or something. When I did realize this it kind of hit me pretty hard, a big smack in the face, wake up call, and I realized that I do say that quite a bit when I'm talking with people about stuff like that. I don't know if I've gotten better about doing it or not but I definitely agree with him that it's not cool to do that and I try not to if I can remember to not to during such conversations.

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