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To me the saying “I’ve got a board cut to fit my ass” means that I’ve got a bunch of stuff to do that I have to do, but where does this expression come from?

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    Where did you read it or hear it? (I'm not certain if it is connected with making a rod for your back?)
    – Stuart F
    Commented Nov 13, 2022 at 14:15
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    I Googled it and did not find anything. Can you share a link showing an example of usage, please?
    – Mari-Lou A
    Commented Nov 13, 2022 at 14:53
  • @Mari-LouA Same here: I could not find any reference to the term in quotes, checking on Google and two other sources. We need to have more context with a link to answer this question.
    – Ellie K
    Commented Nov 13, 2022 at 15:16
  • Is this a translation? Maybe board morphed from switch, a cut branch used for corporal punishment. Anyway, it sounds like you must do something or get punished. But I see no evidence of your phrase on the internets. Where did you learn it?
    – Tinfoil Hat
    Commented Nov 13, 2022 at 15:49
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    What @EllieKesselman said. Googling "board cut to fit my ass" returns just two matches. This actual question page, and the ELU profile page of the user asking the question. It's Off Topic because it's got no currency.
    – FumbleFingers
    Commented Nov 13, 2022 at 16:40

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To me, a speaker of British English, it would mean that you have a board cut to fit your donkey, and I have no idea what that could possibly mean, beyond that it would have to be roughly saddle shaped. In which case, assuming you speak US English, that shape would do the job, even if its use in that sense is, as I think, rude. In that sense, however, it surely means that it doesn't fit what it was cut to fit.

The Cambridge English Dictionary cites the phrase 'my ass' as follows:

a rude phrase used to emphasize that you do not believe or accept what someone has said:

  • "Public holiday" my ass! I still have to work like any other day.

So my inference is that it is an extract of a conversation between a householder and a handyman/woman who has been asked to repair a damaged worktop or piece of shelving and come in offering a crude effort which obviously will not fit.

  • Handyman/woman: Good morning. I've got a board cut to fit.
  • Householder (comparing it with the damaged area): "Cut to fit", my arse!

I think you will find that suitable punctuation (and UK spelling) clarify the meaning and, indeed, origin.

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