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I see this phenomenon a lot in the context of politics and when people discuss social issues, but I'd like to offer a non-political example:

Example 1

Person A: This mathematics course has been amazing, I have learned a lot of new things!
Person B: It's good to have the basics down for when you decide to take part in an actually challenging course :)

Example 2

A and B work at the same company.

Person A: I got a raise!
Person B: Huh, they're handing raises? Maybe I should go ask for one as well!
Person A: I didn't have to ask for it, since I've been working hard :)

In example 1, I'm looking for a word for what Person B is doing and in example 2 I'm looking for a word for what Person A is doing. This is something that annoys me to no end - it can be so malicious while sounding so sincere and friendly.

I guess it could be interpreted as passive-aggressive as well, but I am pretty sure I have heard a different, more specific word for this.

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  • repartee (witty replies); double entendre (a sentence purposefully composed with two different meanings); implication. "I've been working hard" in situation B seems to possibly imply "I've been working hard, (but you haven't)." The part which is not stated is implied. Person A in that situation should have said "handed out" -- that phrase implies giving things out without them being duly earned.
    – Brandin
    Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 9:28
  • Funny how nobody ever shows up here asking for our help in saying something nice about somebody else. Instead it's always about saying horrible things about something we disapprove of, even though this has never required fancy words to sting the worst.
    – tchrist ♦
    Commented Dec 16, 2023 at 4:49

2 Answers 2

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23

Patronizing might be the word you're looking for. Per the Collins Dictionary:

If someone is patronizing, they speak or behave towards you in a way that seems friendly, but which shows that they think they are superior to you.

[disapproval]
The tone of the interview was unnecessarily patronizing.

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  • 2
    Yes, that is exactly it! Thank you!
    – Swiffy
    Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 9:31
  • 2
    Elements of irony and playing dumb, too.
    – Yosef Baskin
    Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 14:55
  • 1
    For some reason there are a lot of questions here about being patronizing. Searching the site will provide additional information on usage.
    – Stuart F
    Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 16:00
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I think this could also be considered Passive-aggressive.

From Merriam-Webster:

being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness)

They include the quote:

It is passive-aggressive behavior, the donning of a mask of amiability that conceals raw antagonism toward one's competitors, even one's friends.

I think this might describe a more noticeably negative interaction than the examples you provided, but I believe one could still consider the behavior expressed in your examples a mild case of this. People generally use it to describe someones response when they say something negative, pejorative, or cruel but disguise it with polite language, or say it in a non-confrontational way.

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