What is a word or phrase for "feeling gleeful for myself but feeling pity for you?"

Question

I see this most often with people who've owned houses for a long time, talking to young people who are seeking to buy. They have a sense of scarcely controlled glee for themselves as they describe how much their house has appreciated, but at the same time feel pity as they describe the situation, for the person who is trying to navigate today's housing market. I have not been able to find such a word. Any ideas would be welcome, even from other languages, a la schadenfreude (this is not schadenfreude because they take no pleasure in the other person's difficulty or misery).

Generically... feeling glee for myself due to a situation that is causing discomfort or misery for another, but towards whom they have no ill will. Maybe the situation is admission to a private school, obtaining a degree in a difficult major while describing this to someone who is struggling in that/those tasks.

I've tried Googling "feeling gleeful for myself but feeling pity for you" but no luck.

Edit to provide sample sentence use:

1. "Edwin related the story of how he purchased his house in 1972 which had appreciated 20x [in this manner: feeling scarcely controlled glee for himself but pity for the listener] to his financially stretched young coworker who was unable to win any house bidding wars."
2. "Steve related to his nephew the story of how he worked hard to get his degree at the elite school [in this manner: feeling glee for himself but pity for his nephew], while his nephew struggled."
3. "Dave talked about all the enjoyable years he spent at the highly selective Davidson Prep [in this manner: feeling glee for himself but pity for his neighbor] to his neighbor whose son was having difficulty getting in anywhere."

Answer 1

condescending

adjective

showing or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others (Merriam)

Answer 2

I think “gratefully” fits your purposes (almost) perfectly. While in a literal sense it only means that the speaker is happy about their own situation the word implies pity as well when used in a context like the one you are describing.

Edwin related the story of how he purchased his house in 1972 which had appreciated 20x [gratefully] to his financially stretched young coworker who was unable to win any house bidding wars.

You could also add in a “less fortunate” to make it a tad more natural.

Edwin related the story of how he purchased his house in 1972 which had appreciated 20x [gratefully] to his [less fortunate] and financially stretched young coworker who was unable to win any house bidding wars.

I think gratitude (towards “luck”, “life”, or some other abstract power) most succinctly captures the feeling that you are describing.

Answer 3

liability

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noun (NOAD)

a person or thing whose presence or behavior is likely to cause embarrassment or put one at a disadvantage: "he has become a political liability"

Answer 4

To me that sounds like normal gratitude, as to be grateful for something implies that it's something that shouldn't be taken for granted. So in a way, I think that ambivalence (note 1) you want to capture is already built into gratitude. My suggestion is along these same lines but I think it captures the idea quite well (from Cambridge Dictionary):

fortunate

adjective

receiving or bringing a good thing that was uncertain or unexpected

If you say you feel fortunate, or very fortunate, you're acknowledging that you're grateful as well as that what you're grateful was not certain or guaranteed (ie that you could have been misfortunate like the others in your example). When you hear people say they "feel so fortunate", it's often to capture exactly the emotion you're describing and it's often used in situations where you don't want to gloat in front of the misfortunate.

For example, if you were just in a car accident where you survived but others did not, you might report to a News anchor on the scene that you feel so "fortunate" to be alive. If in that situation, you said how "gleeful" you felt, that would obviously be quite insensitive, even though it might be perfectly true that you are happy to be alive! In this situation, "grateful" woudln't quite work as well because it implies that you're grateful for the situation, but the situation involved others dying, so it's a weird thing to say you're grateful for.

Fortunate has connotations of luck, but in the right context that won't be an issue. If you say you feel so fortunate to have done well on a test while other's have failed, it's quite clear that you worked hard and it wasn't merely luck but still conveying that it was no guarantee that you would pass.

If you want a word to describe specifically the ambivalence of gratitude/fortunate, or the hesitancy to express gratitude in the presence who are lacking, I can only of think of words you can add before gratitude.

I think "mindful gratitude" would capture that you're grateful but mindful of others' misfortune. "Acknowledgingly" gets very close in the sense that you're acknowledging something you're grateful for, and acknowledging someone else's misfortunate--it's not officially in the dictionary, however!

If you want to describe the hesitancy aspect, you could say "reservedly", "diplomatically", "graciously" or "tactfully" before "happy" (or whatever specific form of "happiness" you want to describe). This way, you emphasize not so much the emotions but the social tact required in expressing them, which may vary depending on the situation in which case you can use one of these options that best captures that.

Note 1: Ambivalence is close, but I think wouldn't be suitable because it's not clear if you mean you're ambivalent that others were not fortunate or ambivalent about if you're grateful or not. For example, ambivalent about being accepted to a great university, because while you're grateful you know it will be a tremendous amount of work.