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I've tried to paraphrase an IELTS Topic sentence, and I'd like to get some insight for my paraphrase.

What you can do to answer:

  1. Comment on the paraphrase itself or
  2. Provide a better paraphrase

Topic: Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays.

Paraphrase:

Families play a pivotal role in children's upbringing. However, others think that it is their environment that molds their character nowadays.

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    "play a pivotal role" is far stronger than "have influence on". Who are the "others" doing the thinking in the paraphrase? Nov 24 at 9:10
  • In the paraphrase, wouldn't 'their environment' include the home? Nov 24 at 9:44
  • Today a child's development is more influenced by factors outside the home than those inside the home. Nov 24 at 9:50
  • Nowadays the family's role in a child's development is less influential (or significant) than his or her wider environment. Nov 24 at 10:22
  • I hadn't seen HPM's suggestion and mine isn't intended as an improvement on it. Nor IS it one! Mine avoids the original's 'factors outside the home', but my 'his or her' is cumbersome. Nov 24 at 10:33