Is it ever worth the time and effort to correct someone else's grating grammatical mistakes? [closed]

Question

Whenever I hear statements like "It was a great deal for he and I" and "Call Karen and I in the morning," I die a little. Such solecisms, as Twain said in another context (Cooper's prose style), "grate upon the fastidious ear." Moreover, I know that these things will likely become accepted usage in time, if that hasn't already happened.

As someone who tries to be careful with words and speech, I feel almost a moral obligation to hold the line against this kind of decline. I'm not a word snob; I say "ain't" when it works for emphasis, and so on. I've tried suggesting the grammatical alternative to the above constructions, but even when I phrase my suggestion in the gentlest possible way it never works well and I almost always wind up feeling pedantic and priggish at best, and at worst I feel I've alienated someone.

What's the general opinion here? Is it best to just let these things slide or to take up the fight? In sum, is there a good way to promote good grammar, or at least protect it from the most egregious violations?

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with having gut reactions to the way that people say things. I am completely aware that the standard/educated version of a language is arbitrary (i.e. is no more "correct" in any real sense than any dialect), and even still, I have pet peeves and things that irk me about people's language usage. I think these are unavoidable, just like my reaction to certain fashion choices that people make in their outfits. But, like with fashion, there is very little objective truth to my judgment about any of it.

I try not to actually challenge people on uses that bother me; aside from the arbitrariness of language, every bit of evidence suggests that stopping language change in any significant way is like going to the beach and trying to stop the tide from coming in. There was a more in-depth discussion about this in a previous question.

That said, I do believe there is a certain time and place where standards and clarity are important. In formal contexts, information is often supposed to be presented in a certain way, and, generally, these conventions benefit everyone. Also, following certain language conventions in these situations can eliminate ambiguity. If I am asked to proofread an academic paper that my colleague has written, I would make corrections for things that I would never object to otherwise.

Answer 2

For me, it depends on the context. In speech, I'd let it pass in anyone except my kids. I would correct them because it's one of my jobs as a parent to teach them a good command of their native tongue.

In casual emails and similar written communications, I'd also let it pass (kids aside); indeed, even in formal emails or documents sent by customers or the like. But in formal documents that I'm reviewing (design specs and the like), then I'll fix the problem, not necessarily with a comment, but often with 'change tracking' enabled.

If it is in part a problem with 'English as a second language', then I'll point it out to the person so that they can improve. That's especially the case if they use the 'please excuse my English' line; they are, of course, completely excused - if only because my command of Spanish, Chinese, or whatever is so much worse than their command of English - but I assume that is an indication that a private answer (not a public one) that improves the 'Use of English' will be of some assistance to them. In a public response, I won't correct them.

So, as I said, it depends a lot on the context. It always grates on me, but quite often there is nothing useful that I can do. When there is something I can do, I'll try the correction. If it causes angst, I won't repeat the exercise with that person. If it is well received, I'll help in future when the occasion arises.

Answer 3

Does the grammatical faux pas compromise or endanger the communication, or is it merely annoying? (Annoying to you personally, of course. The speaker, and no doubt many others are perfectly happy with it.)

Language can be a delight, but it is also, and to many, merely a means to an end. If you are with friends who enjoy language for its own sake and who want to improve their understanding and usage of it, a courteous and appropriate correction will be appreciated.

If you are with strangers or persons with whom you have only a business relationship, then as long as the communication is not jeopardized you're probably best advised to bite your tongue and realize that you are a member of a small minority.

Unless, of course, you really do wish to be viewed as a snob.

Answer 4

In addition to the other good comments posted, I'd say that familiarity should probably be a major factor in determining the best course of action.

I might wince, but generally I'd let these 'mistakes' pass without comment, unless I felt particularly familiar with the person speaking. A casual acquaintance or an general colleague will go unmolested, but a family member, a close friend or colleague will more readily be 'corrected'.

In the case of my wife, saying "We was doing this or that.." (**), I throw myself to the ground, kicking and shouting "WE WERE.. WE WERE!", not that it seems to do any good. OK, I'm joking, but I've been sorely tempted! ;)

** I (snobbishly) used to think it was a sign of a poor education, but in the case of my wife it isn't - it's a regional thing. A lot of people in the area we live say it, and even worse, none are seemingly even remotely aware of the fact!

Answer 5

Many people take offense when you try to correct their grammar or pronunciation (or spelling, in a written document). Given that it's impossible to tell just how offended someone might be, and given that many people aren't likely to change how they speak even if they accept your correction, I recommend biting your tongue unless you know the listener wants your feedback.

I have a coworker who mispronounces words all the time. He is a native speaker, but certain words are just wrong in his mouth. The most grating is when the mispronunciation leads to a different word (my worst peeve: he says aTTRIBute instead of ATTribute, which makes it a verb instead of a noun). But if I correct him, will he get upset? Best not risk it.

Answer 6

I'm going to disagree with many of the other responses. In the examples given, the speaker is obviously endeavoring to speak properly, but have misapplied or misunderstood the rule. Because it is evident when someone mangles "I" for "Me" that they are really wanting to speak correctly, I think they may be more responsive to constructive criticism than others here feel. In this case, as with many other grammar rules, if you can provide an easier rule of thumb then they are already working with, they may even be appreciative. For example, "When deciding whether 'me' or 'I' is appropriate, leave the other person out of it." As in, "Cindy and me went to the movies." if Cindy is left out, you are obviously talking baby-talk with "me went to the movies." Or, "That room is for my husband and I", leave out the husband, "That room is for I" is clearly not correct. So, I think with a little tact and humor a mild correction is helpful, particularly if you get the impression someone is actually wanting to pronounce or formulate something correctly, but didn't.

Answer 7

There's a fine line when correcting someone's grammar. The vast majority of the time you come off like an arrogant prick looking to belittle someone.

However, if it's a friend of yours who is making the same mistake over and over, I think it's your duty as a friend to correct them so they cease looking like a moron.

My favorite "grammar correction" was when someone said that they "swimmed". I said "you mean swam?" And they said "oh sorry not all of us went to college" to which I replied, "true, but you did finish 8th grade right?"

Answer 8

I am a medical transcriptionist, both acute care and diagnostic radiology. We get corrected for every comma and grammatical error we make, if caught! They (we) abide by the "Book of Style" published by the AAMT. If a person "checking" your work finds any errors at all, you get a warning. If you keep making the error, you get put back on "probation"! Some companies even will take mistakes out of your salary! It has gotten so bad with some companies that you are soooo nervous, that you question every single grammatical thing you type and every word! I live in the South, where almost no adult or child speaks correct English, and I have learned to ignore it. It seems funny that a child studies English grammar in school but still cannot speak correctly. I do not know how they graduate. Just a bit of info for you. S

Answer 9

It depends.

As a foreign student living in the U.S., I am pretty open to any grammar suggestions from anyone!

But for a person with self-esteem just more than enough, it will be best not to bother their grammar mistakes.