Appropriateness of the word 'buddy' in America

Question

I would like to know if addressing an American with the word 'buddy' would be considered offensive. If the answer is yes, would it be considered offensive by an American irrespective of the context and tone or would that matter?

Answer 1

That's going to depend on tone of voice.

Hey, buddy, get off my car!

This usage is condescending; especially when you don't know the person. Expect it to be replied with "I'm not your buddy, pal!".

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Hey, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuddy.
— Pauly Shore

This usage is friendly, though people will probably question your intelligence.

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I went to the lake with a buddy of mine and we fished for a while.

This usage is colloquial and would not offend anyone.

Answer 2

Buddy, when used as a hailname, is basically a diminutive, and is only actually offensive when directed at someone who is not a junior or an at least moderately close friend. It has masculine connotations, but does not have to be used exclusively to address males. A woman could use the term to address a girl or another woman in a restroom, and any adult could use it to address a younger child. But, there is some regional, subcultural, and generational variation in how the term is used as a hailname.

"Hey Buddy" would be most appropriate in the case of an adult addressing a child, especially, but not exclusively, a boy. A fireman or police officer or just a concerned adult might use that to address a child who seems to be lost. It can also be used properly to address a child, usually a boy, who is your own younger relative, especially a father or mother speaking to a young son (an example can be found here). It indicates empathy or concern in the context of a socially unequal or reasonably close friendship relationship. Wikitionary noun sense 3 captures some of this sentiment but misses some of the usage nuance. PhraseMix, however, does capture this nuance:

"Buddy" is a name that you can call someone instead of their real name. The word "buddy" means "friend".

English speakers mostly use "buddy" when talking to a younger man. Here are some specific relationships in which someone might call someone else "buddy":

• Fathers, uncles, grandfathers, etc. often call their sons, nephews, and grandsons "buddy" from young childhood until their teenage years, and sometimes longer.

• Male friends who are similar ages sometimes call each other "buddy".

A New York Times essay notes some perspectives on connotations and hidden meanings involved using the term as a parent:

“buddy” has quietly evolved over the last 20 years into the go-to nickname for American parents, particularly fathers, looking to chum it up with their sons and daughters. How it got there is hard to say; good luck finding an adult who remembers his dad calling him buddy. But like “time out” and “use your words,” “buddy” has for better or worse taken a starring role in the lexicon of modern American parenting. . . .

To some psychologists, the term is emblematic of a shift in parenting trends. Having rejected the authoritarian parenting style that many of them grew up with, American parents today prefer to give their children the opportunity to prove themselves as equals almost from birth, to make those “good choices” that preclude the need for punishment. “Buddy Parenting” is one of the seven deadly parenting styles that the psychologist Michele Borba wrote about in a 2009 book, “The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.” . . .

But some dads’ use of the nickname is a point of pride. Shannon Carpenter, 37, a stay-at-home father of two in Kansas City, said it shows just how much closer and more supportive he is with his children than his father was with him.

Whether it is "just a pet name" for a child and diminutive in a way that expresses empathy (which is probably the predominant view), or reflects an effort to break down social hierarchy between parents, is a point of minor controversy.

"Hey Buddy" is also routinely used to address someone's pet, especially a dog. This usage is referenced, for example, in the name of a comic about dogs.

When someone says "Hey Buddy" to a strange adult, usually male, who is acting inappropriately, it is a linguistic way to put the speaker in a relationship of authority relative to the person spoken to, while not being outright antagonistic towards them. An example of that is illustrated in a YouTube video at this link. This is also explored in a personal essay about the context specific meaning of this term here. A good example of its use in this sense is found in a discussion of how to intervene in an escalating social interaction in a civil manner:

My friend was walking into our local Walmart, masked, when he observed at the entrance a middle aged man yelling and swearing at the young female staff person who was asking/telling people they must wear a mask in the store. My friend walked up and said “Hey buddy, back off, she’s just doing what she was told to do.” The guy pulled back, perhaps embarrassed, and then stomped off to his car to get a mask. My friend hung around and chatted with the woman, who confided how frightening and exhausting her job is right now, when she gets abuse every few minutes for the hours that she’s working that post. Can you imagine!? I would be a puddle of tears on the sidewalk. Now, why did that interaction work? My friend said “Hey buddy” in a friendly reasonable tone, AND put his hands up in front of him with palms out, to show non-confrontation. It very easily could have gone the other way into violence. What happened next? Two things – the man came back and apologized to both of them. He said things are just really getting to him lately, he can’t keep his cool. He was embarrassed but with a lot of head nodding, he entered the store (masked).

When you say "Hey Buddy" inappropriately towards someone who should be held in respect or is your superior in age or status (e.g. a judge or a top manager in your company when you are a rank and file employee), it can come across as a sign that you don't understand your relationship with this person, making you look more stupid than offensive, in a "you can't read the room" way.

But, it can also come across as being intentionally demeaning as explained in a personal essay written by a disabled adult woman, which also acknowledges that the appropriateness of the phrase is context specific:

You know that it’s a cultural norm when everybody is doing it to everybody else. That is, if I’m in the gym or the coffee shop and I hear men greet each other with, “Hey, buddy” or “Hey, man”–no problem. There’s an unspoken social agreement there. I’m not always good at social cues or social tones, but there is a definite social tone there, that is not disability-linked. That’s why I don’t get upset when my manicurist calls me “honey”–because either I did it, or I heard her do it two minutes ago, to somebody else.

The difference is in the tone and the delivery.

An etiquette guide confirms that this is inappropriate to use when directed towards a disabled adult, because it comes across as treating the adult as a child.

Similarly, while it is not always inappropriate for a supervisor to address an employee with "hey buddy", this can be fraught and come across as demeaning or fake, which makes this approach to supervisor-subordinate interactions controversial.

Saying "Hey Buddy" is somewhat analogous to using the honorific "-kun" in Japanese.

A stiff and over-formal, but less patronizing, way to address a boy in the same context would be to say "Young Sir".

The use of the term "buddy" as a descriptive word for someone, rather than as a hailname, is much less problematic and sensitive, however. Used in this way, it is just a colloquial synonym for someone who is a friend or an acquaintance or co-worker whom you don't feel negative towards. It can even simply mean someone you are paired with in some work or school exercise. A buddy in this sense is a companion, partner, or friend. (M-W). See also Wiktionary (noun) sense 1 and 2. Here's one example of it used in that sense from Vocabulary.com:

I had my high-powered mom posse, and Barack spent what little leisure time he had playing basketball with a group of buddies.

From "Becoming" by Michelle Obama.

Answer 3

Hailnames are extremely fraught. There is some good discussion at Is there a word for colloquial forms of address? -- in short, there are none that cannot be misunderstood. The exact situational use, tone, and social details affect their interpretation deeply, and in ways users often are not consciously aware.

As a colloquial word for friend, as in "My buddies came over to play some board games", it is not offensive. Strictly speaking, it can apply broadly, but it is almost always used to indicate friends who are men, and who one is not romantically involved with.

Answer 4

In formal settings, calling someone “buddy” can be interpreted as condescending and disrespectful as it assumes a familiarity that doesn’t exist. Normally the person calling someone buddy is more senior to the person being called buddy. If an obvious difference in age or social standing doesn’t exist, it can be interpreted as the person calling the other person buddy as unjustly claiming higher standing which will indirectly convey disrespect.

Answer 5

If you're in a big box store, say, you might say to a guy who works there, Hey buddy, do you know which aisle the mops are in?

You could say to a guy on a train platform, a fellow commuter, Hey buddy, do you know if the next train is the express or the local?

But you probably wouldn't walk up to a policeman and say Hey buddy, do you know if there's a coffee shop in this neighborhood? since the policeman might expect to be addressed as "officer". It might be OK, might not.

If you're in a county courthouse and a guy comes out a door into the hallway, and he is dressed in black robes, you wouldn't say Hey buddy, do you know where courtroom B6 is?

Answer 6

As someone from the United States, I often hear the term buddy used by people being disrespectful or conveying a type of friendly way to be rude. It sounds confusing but I feel that buddy is only acceptable if it is a father-son relationship and the child is still young. Example: Father says to his 6 year old “Hey bud (buddy), how about some ice cream”?. It is also only acceptable in a formal conversation when referring to a friend who is not currently present in the conversation and the person you are talking to doesn’t know who they are. Example: Talking to a coworker: “Yeah, me and a buddy of mine fish there all the time, great spot I can definitely recommend it”! Mostly every other instance, calling someone buddy is a quick way to make them feel disrespected.

Answer 7

It depends on the person although they probably won't say anything about it. I personally don't like being called "buddy".