Why do Americans find the word "request" to be rude?

Question

I was reading somewhere that Americans find the word request to be a rude gesture. You must directly ask them a question instead of using the word "request".

For example, in this Quora post, "Don't request, ask a question":

I get emails with lines like this fairly often:

• I request you to share your ideas on various options.
• Request you to make necessary changes or take action on that.
• I kindly request you to verify my resume.

Be aware that, in this context, "request" will come off as aggressive and rude to most Americans (and, quite possibly, to people in the UK too).

Answer 1

As an American myself who lives with a British educated partner, we have discussions like this on a regular basis.

Before I get to my point of view on the question, I would like to point out that the Quora link you provided answers this question:

Used as a verb, the word "request" is only a small step back from "demand." In fact, it is a demand (Quora link)

To be more general here, as I have observed, Americans' usage of the English language is far less formal than the UK, most apparent in business situations and formal (nonlegal) documentation. In this sense I would venture to say that Americans see formality in an entire different perspective than our British counterparts. Whereas formality may be in line with British social structure and therefore polite, we on the other side see formality as distant and therefore unfriendly. Consequently, adding small bit of casualness is seen as more friendly and therefore more polite.

"Request" - an act of asking politely or formally for something (google defined)

Given what I just mentioned and what the Quora link states, the usage of "request" is not only direct and demanding, but overtly formal in an American’s eye, giving the word a double "no no" for US culture. So how do we Americans "request" for something? Request implies "to ask". Americans just ask. Less formal? Yes. More polite? Also yes.

The alternative for "Request" in US English: "Could"

"Could you do this and this?" etc, instead of "I request (that) you do this and this."

However, let’s say you must use the word "Request". Changing the word to its noun form "I sent a request...", adding polite redundancies, "I humbly request...", or phrasing it in a question (though redundant), "Could I request..." are the more polite American alternatives.

I hope this answers your question, and gives you a better understanding of the differences of British English and American English.

Answer 2

It should be noted, first, that the word request is not, even arguably, rude when used to describe an act of requesting that was performed on another occasion. For example, nobody is going to be offended by being told ‘Yesterday, I requested that XYZ Corporation send us . . . ’ or ‘In response to your request of January 3rd . . . ’. What may be perceived as rude is only its use in the very act of performing a request, i.e. in the locutions of the form ‘I request that you . . . ’.

What makes these locutions grating is not so much the presence of the word request, as that of I. By saying ‘I request’, I am asserting myself and my right to request things, while politeness generally requires that one speak in a self-effacing way, particularly when imposing a burden on somebody else. The polite ways of formulating requests avoid not only the word request, but also I: ‘Could you, please . . . ’, ‘Would it be possible . . . ’. These self-effacing ways of formulating a request soften the imposition that I am making on you by my request. Even if I have an authority over you, good manners require that I don’t rub it in.

Formulations ‘I (hereby) request’ do have their place, but that is only in the contexts in which the need for perfect clarity takes precedence over politeness, that is, in legal documents.

Answer 3

Other answers have hinted at this, but I think the main reason that your examples sound rude is that they're not questions, not because of the word request itself. They don't give the recipient an easy way of saying no. In fact, since they're statements of fact (I am requesting X of you), they don't even really give an opening for a reply.

A question is more polite because you take it on yourself to create a socially acceptable way of saying no. Consider your first example rephrased as a question:

I request you to share your ideas on various options.
Could I request that you share your ideas with me?

The second sounds more polite (despite using request), because I'm not closing off the option of saying no.

The word request itself plays some part, because it doesn't lend itself to questions as much as it does to statements. Therefore, it's more likely to pop up in more direct, less polite forms.

Finally, note that even though it's less polite, the direct form is often used in formal settings, when clear demands need to be made. "We request that you pay by the end of the month", is plenty polite for a business letter, but the context needs to be there for the sender to make demands of the recipient.

Answer 4

There is not usually a why to such questions. Languages and etiquette systems evolve in a highly chaotic manner. I suspect most cultures have both curt and gentle ways of making requests and English-speaking cultures are certainly among them.

The phrasing "I request ______" is too direct and too formal-sounding. It's too direct in that it seems strong, and a "No" seems very unwelcome. "I hereby request..." sounds like a legal filing or something, which adds unwanted gravity to the situation.

Phrasing as a question helps, but it's not as a direct question, like you say, but rather as an indirect question. The fiction is that we aren't even suggesting someone do something, but merely floating the notion while asking about others' preferences, putting their preferences first. "Would you be willing to read the document and give me your feedback?" "Could you ask Carla if she's coming tomorrow?" "Is it possible to get your phone number?" These sorts of indirect questions feel much lower-pressure. If taken literally, of course it's a bit silly.

There are also politeness markers for requests that don't involve question phrasing. "It would mean a lot to me if you reviewed my resume." "If you could so kindly hold the door for me."

Answer 5

Just makes me (non-native English speaker in the United Kingdom) think of this one old saying that "the taking of offense rests in the bosom of fools".

Perhaps one might consider that rudeness is perceived in particular by those with little confidence or an unrealistically high self-esteem? Maybe some are quicker to feel intimidated? Personally, I'd answer 'no' as and when, thinking that anyone can request whatever they like: who am I to tell them they can't (try)? So far it's been the best way to be for me.