I think contemplate might work, but I am wanting to add more tension to it. Trying to communicate the idea of reflecting/thinking/exploring one's thoughts and feelings on a subject (spiritual in nature); but with real agony and no forward progress or change.
The subject is trying to be openminded and fair, but keeps bumping up against her own preconceived notions. The "work" of contemplating might not be enough to overcome these existing beliefs. While she wants to fairly consider, deep down she is holding back out of fear of what this new revelation may mean for her.
A young millennial woman _________ her definition of normal.