0

The sentence is

"Tom was the first ever student from Jacksonville University to qualify for the prestigious math competition, while only being in his sophomore year"

What i what to emphasise is that Tom managed to qualify for the competition while still being only in his sophomore year. As in, he was really young but still managed to qualify - this means he possessed an advanced skillset.

However, the given sentence can also be interpreted as Tom was the only person to qualify for the competition from the Sophomore year - e.i there are more people from other years who qualified.

I'm not sure how I can correctly put the point forward, would really appreciate some help!

closed as off-topic by Michael Rybkin, Matt E. Эллен Nov 11 '18 at 12:39

  • This question does not appear to be about English language and usage within the scope defined in the help center.
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • Advice on the best wording for a piece of writing is off-topic on this site, but this question would be on-topic at our other site Writing. I'm flagging this question for migration to that site. – Chappo Nov 11 '18 at 12:18
3

You can put "while only being in his sophomore year," in the beginning of the sentence as an introductory dependent clause so that it becomes much clearer that you want to emphasize that Tom still managed to qualify despite being a sophomore.

While only being in his sophomore year, Tom was the first ever student from Jacksonville University to qualify for the prestigious math competition.

You can also do the following:

Tom, despite being only a sophomore, was the first ever student from Jacksonville University to qualify for the prestigious math competition.

The trick here, for me, is to put the modifying clause as close to the subject/object as close as possible to avoid any confusion on which word or words are actually being referred to.

  • Phrase 1 is what I went with. Thanks! – bholagabbar Nov 11 '18 at 7:01
-2

TOM, a sophomore, is the first student at Jacksonville university to qualify for the PRESTIOUS MATH COMPETITION.

  • Correction: Tom, a sophmore, is the first student at Jackson University to acheive the Prestigious Math. Competition. – BETTY M. Kenney Nov 11 '18 at 10:55
  • Hi Betty, welcome to our site. It looks like you've recognised that the all-caps is undesirable (much better to use bold or italic font for emphasis). However, you need to amend your answer directly rather than adding a comment. You can do this using the edit link. Note also that it's not sufficient just to give the solution, you should also add a paragraph explaining why this works best. For further guidance, see How to Answer, and don't forget to take the Tour :-) – Chappo Nov 11 '18 at 12:25

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.