Good evening from Germany!
I'm currently writing a personal statement for my UCAS application and have got a problem concerning one of my sentences. Originally, I wrote:
The decision to study X emerged during the last year and was...
What I would like to express is that this is not something that I've always wanted to do, but that I first thought about studying X about a year ago and that it developed into the decision to apply for this course.
Not, I revised my personal statement with a former tutor of mine, who said that the verb “emerge“ (obviously) is not correct in this context. It's just that the German translation emphasized exactly what I wanted to express with this sentence. My tutor told me, it was better to write it like that:
The decision to study X came during the last year and was...
Personally, I'm not sure that is exactly what I want either. Sure, it expresses very clearly what I try to convey with this sentence, but still, it just doesn't seem elegant or formal enough for a personal statement that tutors of some of the best universities in the U.K. will read. Especially since this is the opening sentence.
Unsure if my tutors approach was the best, I contacted an online service that offers to revise your personal statement and improve it. Their approach, given my original version, was this:
My decision to study X is one I have contemplated during the last year and...
So, they changed it to my decision and obviously used a pretty different expression which I am not sure of if it conveys exactly what I want to say.
Now you may say, that's only one sentence in a 4000 character long personal statement! Sure, but it's the opening sentence and, as I said, tutors of some of the best universities in the U.K. are going to read it, so I want to make a strong first impression.
What do you say, how would you write my opening sentence? And what do you think: my decision or the decision? Thanks in advance.