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“Yes, I have that muffin you didn’t tell me was already two days past its expiration, and it’s already working its way through my digestive system.”

EDIT: Since this question was put on hold for being too vague, let me try to narrow down my concerns.

I assume there’s something quite wrong with the construction as to this part, you didn’t tell me was already two days past its expiration, though I cannot seem to pinpoint what it is (supposing there is an error).

Also, the sentence is intended to be satirical. So you don’t have to worry much about semantics. It’s the grammaticality I’m concerned about.

closed as off-topic by FumbleFingers, Roger Sinasohn, Centaurus, Lawrence, Hellion Jul 27 '18 at 16:23

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    It's not exactly a "grammatical" error, but I never heard anyone say I have [some foodstuff] when they mean it's in their stomach. But it would allow for the possibility of having your cake and eating it, which are generally considered to be mutually exclusive! – FumbleFingers Jul 27 '18 at 15:56
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    @FumbleFingers One can have dinner, though it’s only when they’ve had dinner that the food has been ingested. The cake’s ‘have’ is more along the lines of possession - consider the variant that says you can’t eat your cake and have it still. – Lawrence Jul 27 '18 at 16:23
  • @Lawrence: That sequence (can't eat and have, as opposed to can't have and eat) has massively declined over the past century and more. Though I do concede it was almost certainly the original - it's just that the modern version seems to roll off the tongue better, which is why it's gradually taken over. – FumbleFingers Jul 27 '18 at 16:35
  • @FumbleFingers I agree the have/eat version is now more idiomatic. I only pointed out the eat/have version to note that have probably refers to possession (rather than ingestion). – Lawrence Jul 27 '18 at 16:38
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    The sentence “Yes, I have that muffin..." is more or less OK, but it would be better and clearer if it were like this: “Yes, I have eaten that muffin that you didn’t tell me was already two days past its expiration date, and it’s already working its way through my digestive system.” This assumes that the muffin came in a package with an expiration date on it (typically a few days after it was baked), but the speaker didn't check the date. We can infer that the speaker found the muffin somewhat stale but ate it nevertheless. – tautophile Jul 27 '18 at 17:00