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Consider the following sentence:

Over 90 percent of applicants secure the credit they need in around 10 minutes

As is, the sentence is ambiguous. A possible interpretation could be:

90 percent of applicants secure the credit they need in around 10 minutes, the rest take a little longer

However, that is not what I'm trying to convey. I have two distinct facts I need to get across:

  • 90 percent of applicants secure the credit they need
  • it takes around 10 minutes to apply

How can I rewrite the original sentence to be short, punchy and not/less ambiguous?

  • Application takes just 10 minutes and over 90% of applicants secure the credit they need. – JonLarby Jun 26 '18 at 12:36
  • Thanks for your contribution Jon, it's a good answer. However, I was hoping to keep my leading fact (90%) at the start of the sentence. – John Ohara Jun 26 '18 at 12:39
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    90%t of applicants secure the credit they need using our 10-minute application process. – FumbleFingers Jun 26 '18 at 12:54
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    To the point, the original sentence is not ambiguous. However, it (unambiguously) doesn't mean what you want it to mean. – Jason Bassford Supports Monica Jun 26 '18 at 13:33
  • Display a chart of the distribution of wait times. – Hot Licks Jul 30 '18 at 12:28
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90% of the applicants successfully secured their credit using the 10 minute application.

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"Over 90 percent of applicants secure the credit they need, and it only takes 10 minutes to apply."

Or, better, split it into two sentences; one about each topic. After all, there isn't really any logical connection between the 90% and the 10 minutes.

BTW 10 minutes seems quite a long time for filling in online forms (if that is what we are talking about) so you might want to play that down. And how long does it take for the loan to be granted? That is probably just as important to people.

  • 10 minutes is a long time filling out a form but blame the UK government for the bureaucracy - the decision process is however, instant. – John Ohara Jul 31 '18 at 13:40

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