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I'm unsure if this sentence is grammatically sound and successfully conveys what I intend to say. I am particularly unsure about the use of the word "Which" and "malice. The clause where I talk about judges seems a bit dodgy as well with all the commas.

Which is to say that state actors have no personal stake in the game and will act purely in accordance with their duties: elected representatives advocate for their voters, judges interpret constitutions and pass verdicts based purely on the facts of the case, the relevant law, and constitutional principles, and bureaucrats, who have not been addressed thus far, implement the policies of government without malice.

In my first version of the sentence, I had used "That" instead of "Which" but I felt I was overusing the word that. When I use the word malice, I mean to say they do their duties without any personal benefits like kickbacks and are not motivated by personal vendettas or agendas.

  • It's too prolix. – Edwin Ashworth Mar 13 '18 at 18:44
  • This could be a few sentences. The "Which" refers to content you don’t include here, so it sounds like academic noise. Also, you might want to use a semicolon to separate items in a list when the items themselves contain commas. – Pam Mar 13 '18 at 19:27
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If you don't like "which" or "that", you can say "In other words" or "I.e". If a list contains sublists, often the outer lists is separated by semi-colons rather than commas. The phrase "who have not been addressed thus far" is better set off by parentheses. "favoritism" better conveys what you mean than "malice".

So:

In other words, state actors have no personal stake in the game and will act purely in accordance with their duties: elected representatives advocate for their voters; judges interpret constitutions and pass verdicts based purely on the facts of the case, the relevant law, and constitutional principles; and bureaucrats (who have not been addressed thus far) implement the policies of government without favoritism.

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