I'm facing a great challenge in writing a sentence, and am also having trouble breaking the sentence down on a technical level to make it relevant to a Stack Exchange post.
The sentence version I've arrived on is as follows:
At the request of Bob, a peer of mine, Alice, had written a letter to a group where Alice and I are members, The Letter Writers Association of America.
Is this sentence syntactically correct? I feel like it's awkwardly worded, and happens to be the opening sentence to a very important letter, which is why I'm focused on resolving the issue.
Here's are a few alternate versions that I have come up with:
A peer of mine, Alice, had written a letter to a group where she and I are members, The Letter Writers Association of America, at the request of Bob. .
Alice, a peer of mine, had written a letter to a group where she and I are members, The Letter Writers Association of America, at the request of Bob.
I'd rather lead with information about Bob, as the reader will know who Bob is, rather than lead with information about Alice.
I believe the issues are as follows:
I am unsure whether or not the sentence structure is correct. Is it correct?
How do I deal with conveying the information that Alice is related to Bob, and that I am related to Alice via our membership the Letter Writers Association of America effective?
Here is a new structure in reaction to comments below:
I recently came across valuable information via a peer group where I'm a member, The Letter Writes Associatation of America. A peer of mine, Alice Williams, shared this information at the request of Bob Jones.
This expresses that source of the information, my relation to Alice, and Alice's relation to Bob. It seems to have less strength/impact, but it gets the job done. I feel like the second sentence is very weak and short. What do you think? Again, the reader only knows Bob Jones.