I'm proofreading someone else's video game script, and I'm having a bit of trouble with her use of absolute phrases. She likes using absolute phrases in her sentence structures, like so:
My fingers trembling with fear, I carefully dial the number in my phone.
This is something I think we can all agree is correct, but what about when she applies that structure for sequences of events? For instance:
Finding the phone, I carefully dial the number with trembling fingers.
In the first example, my fingers are trembling with fear as I'm dialling the number. It's not a sequence of events; they're both happening in conjunction with each other. In the second example, though, there is a sequence of events. First I find the phone, and then I dial the number. I can't dial the number as I'm finding the phone.
How well does the sentence structure work in sentences like the second example? Does it sound weird or is it OK? Am I right to leave it in there, or should I suggest alternatives such as:
Having found the phone, I carefully dial the number with trembling fingers.
After finding the phone, I carefully dial the number with trembling fingers.
I find the phone and carefully dial the number with trembling fingers.
Some more opinions would be welcomed!