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I'm finding it hard to replace personal pronouns in a formal essay. My sentence:

To illustrate this more carefully, we will take the example of the 58th Presidential Election of the United States and examine the role played by media ethics in the election.

How could I change that? Any help!

Thanks! :)

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To take unnecessary pronouns out of sentences, rewrite them so that the real subject is doing the acting. In your case,

The role played by media ethics in the 58th Presidential Election of the United States illustrates this.

Or

The role played by media ethics in the 58th Presidential Election of the United States is an exemplary illustration of this.

In both cases, it feels like replacing 'this' with a specific statement of what it is you're illustrating would be better, but that could be due to the absence of the preceding sentence.

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To illustrate this, one might as well take as an example the 58th Presidential Election of the United States and examine the role played in it by media ethics.

"more carefully" is awkward.

The second coming in the sentence of "the election" is superfluous.

  • 'Might as well' adds a different slant and is arguably not suitable in a formal essay. – Edwin Ashworth Apr 11 '17 at 19:49

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