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I am trying to write a sentence about someone giving their agreement, but I am not sure if the implied meaning is actually clear.

"The financial means can only be provided after a revised planning has been agreed with the department."

vs.

"The financial means can only be provided after a revised planning in accordance with the department"

vs.

"The financial means can only be provided after a revised planning to which the department will have given its agreement"

The first and second seem to indicate that the department is included in the revision which it is not. So I thought the last sentence best, only that somehow I’d rather write:

"The financial means can only be provided after a revised planning to which the department will have to have given its agreement." (as it is an obligatory condition to giving out the money).

What I would like to know is if "to agree with" or "to give one's agreement" (or any other synonym like maybe "in accordance with") imply the meaning that both parties are concerned (in agreeing) or only the one who gives its agreement (which is what I want to say). There is also the problem that the sentence shall make clear, that the planning is done by one party and the agreement by the other. Additionally, in the last sentence mentioned in my question (the one I am favouring), I am not sure about the tense that is best to be used.

What will best express the intended meaning?

closed as off-topic by Dan Bron, Cascabel, Phil Sweet, Andrew Leach Mar 15 '17 at 11:10

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – Dan Bron, Cascabel, Phil Sweet, Andrew Leach
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • The question is not about proofreading. What I would like to know is if "to agree with" or "to give one's agreement" imply the meaning that both parties are concerned or only the one who gives its agreement. Also, in the last sentence mentioned in my question, I am not sure about the tense that is best to be used. I thought I had made this clear enough in the question as well as in the first comment. – seagull Mar 15 '17 at 12:34
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"The financial means can only be provided after a revised planning has been agreed upon by the department."

OR

"The financial means can only be provided after a revised plan has been approved by the department."

  • Thank you. As I am still not sure, if "to agree upon" doesn't imply two parties, I guess I'll go with your second suggestion. It's not really what I want, but as I am at a loss for what to write instead, I'll try this. – seagull Mar 17 '17 at 10:16
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This is how you can word each of the sentences:

  1. The financial means can only be provided after a revised plan has been agreed upon with the department.

  2. The financial means can only be provided after a revised plan that is in accordance with the department has been agreed upon.

  • I am not sure if these examples reflect the facts, which are: - the department is not involved in revising the plan. - the department alone gives its agreement to the revised planning. – seagull Mar 14 '17 at 9:54
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Please drop the frilly bits and work with what matters, as for instance ‘The finance can (only) be provided after a revised plan (is agreed)’ or something even shorter…

Once the actual meaning is clear put back some frills only if they really help.

Looking at the wood through the trees might, here, mean starting from what needs to be said, not from the constraint of wanting it to be said in a single sentence.

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