1

Below is the sentence in question, in which the same verb occurred twice with only one auxiliary between them:

Most particles passed straight through, but those that were deflected were deflected quite significantly.

I am not fond of repetitions. Could you suggest a set word/phrase I can use in place of the second 'deflected'? Something kind of like the adjectival pronoun 'that of', or a dummy verb.

Many thanks in advance.

closed as primarily opinion-based by Hellion, Dan Bron, Canis Lupus, Hank, NVZ Mar 11 '17 at 9:31

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5

How about:

Most particles passed straight through, but those that did not were deflected quite significantly.

1

What about reconstructing the sentence, as in:

Most particles passed straight through, except some that were deflected significantly.

This could work because your sentence implies all the particles that were deflected, were deflected significantly.

1

Most particles passed straight through, but the minority that didn't were deflected quite significantly.

  • A less unredundant echo of McCaverty's answer. – Edwin Ashworth Mar 7 '17 at 18:36
  • less unredundant heh – Parthian Shot Mar 7 '17 at 18:54
0

There is nothing wrong with the original post -

Most particles passed straight through, but those that were deflected were deflected quite significantly -

except that the author is not happy with the repetition of 'deflected'. This 'fault' is easily remedied and the whole sentence made more concise -

Most particles passed straight through. A few were deflected quite significantly.

  • As a user with 10k rep, you should know ELU is looking for answers with a bit of explanation behind them... This answer has come up on the LQP review. – Skooba Mar 8 '17 at 13:35
-3

Here is my edit:

Most particles passed straight through, but those that were deflected at all did so quite significantly.

Even the insertion of 'at all' breaks up the sentence from the deflected-deflected crowd.

  • 2
    That doesn’t work at all. Did so cannot be used as a dummy verb for a passive construction. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Mar 7 '17 at 16:56
  • @JanusBahsJacquet - You may be right, as you seem very sure. – Yosef Baskin Mar 7 '17 at 17:04
  • 1
    Just. “... But those that were deflected, were so quite significantly.” – Jim Mar 7 '17 at 23:54

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