How can I improve the sentence I have below in terms of grammar and clarity?
To my mind, the sentence has 2 problems:
It is quite long and possibly lacks clarity (I would like to test that).
It contains two clauses linked by 'that', which I think may be poor grammatical form (maybe I'm wrong about this?)
In September 1882, the collective's system leaders submitted their application to the government, who subsequently invited them to submit a revised application that should provide more clarity on how the system will address the challenges that it faces.