30

Often when I'm happy for someone's good fortune or success, I find myself using the words envious or envy.

In casual speech with friends, voice tone and familiarity help deliver my positive intent, but I don't like the negative connotation of the word - especially the part where it intends others harm.

Benign envy is a non-starter for me and mudita is far too obscure to use for my taste, despite being the closest word I know for the sentiment I wish to express.

Am I missing some obvious single words or phrases in more common usage than mudita that express a positive feeling i have that is directly related to the positive feelings of another? Shared joy is the closest literal phrase, but it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue for me.

Here is a simple diagram that maps the the state of two people’s happiness in relation to each other - envy, pity, mudita and schadenfreude. The other 3 words stand well alone and are defined by my happiness in relation to another's, but perhaps this is more that mudita needs to be adopted as schadenfreude has already been.

Am I missing a decent alternative to mudita?

enter image description here

Improve this question
10
  • 1
    Wait, according to your link "mudita" doesn't have any envy in it - it is peacefully happy.
    – Caffeinated
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:46
  • 3
    Bingo! I want a word that means peaceful happiness - genuine joy over another's success. That's precisely why I'm not liking envy for this emotion.
    – bmike
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:49
  • 8
    Just say I'm happy for you. No overtones of envy there.
    – FumbleFingers
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:59
  • 2
    @Fumble But so often, people say "I'm happy for you" when they're not actually happy, they're just trying to cover their envy. To me, it comes across as sarcastic and insincere at best.
    – Cajunluke
    Jul 17, 2011 at 1:34
  • 6
    What a wonderfully clear, unpretentious and instructive diagram!
    – Georges Elencwajg
    Jul 17, 2011 at 9:05

13 Answers 13

Reset to default
6

Are you in any way (even slightly) related to the person, or in any way (even slightly) responsible for their happiness? If so, kvell might work for you.

Improve this answer
1
  • 1
    Wow - that's a great suggestion. I wasn't looking for something that implied proudness - but that's a great word and much closer to the existence of other single words to mean sympathetic happiness for two people.
    – bmike
    Jul 18, 2011 at 16:39
4

OP's clearly not interested in answers that imply envy, admiration, aspiration, or anything else that would imply he himself would like to have that other person's good fortune. He just wants to describe the empathic pleasure one person can feel, being aware of anothers good fortune. It's one of the reasons we watch tv game shows and talent contests, for example.

Strangley, we don't seem to have a lot of standard terms. Googling for take pleasure in another's pleasure simply ignores the repeated word; millions of results for solo pleasures, and taking pleasure in other's misfortune.

The best I can come up with is vicarious pleasure. Sadly I'm afraid even that's imperfect, because Google just reflects common preconceptions. Many people would assume a vicarious good feeling probably implies that the original pleasure was at the very least naughty, if not downright nasty or even sickening. We are a suspicious species.

Or - as per my earlier comment - just say I'm happy for you. Your friends wouldn't be worth much if they assumed you were only being sarcastic, when you really meant it.

Improve this answer
3
  • 1
    It took a decade, but I’m going with[ freudenfreud and a side of nachas](english.stackexchange.com/a/587512/10941) you captured my intent well.
    – bmike
    Apr 13, 2022 at 16:24
  • Well, I won't say "I'm happy for you", because I don't think that's a particularly useful nonce-word coinage. To my mind, the negative associations of schadenfreude are far too powerful to be swept aside by such trivial punning / wordplay. But nobody "owns" English, so if that's what you want to use, it's your choice.
    – FumbleFingers
    Apr 14, 2022 at 12:27
  • (I don't know much German, and to be honest I don't spell too good. I always assumes schadenfreud was another category alongside things like the Oedipus and Electra complexes - a bunch of not-very-useful aberrant psychological states identified by Sigmund Freud! :)
    – FumbleFingers
    Apr 14, 2022 at 12:34
4

Compersion:

an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy.

Improve this answer
1

My thesaurus had a few good hints:

  • aspire to
  • wish for
  • look up to

Extending to phrases or sentences, you can say something like the following:

Ah, what fortune! One day, my ship will come in.

Congratulations! If only I knew your secrets...

May your success spread to those you love

That being said, envious is perfectly acceptable to express desire without intending harm. I happen to like your example of benign envy and will use it in the future. Of course, as you mention, delivery makes all the difference:

Wow, now that makes me envious...

One trick is to attach the envy to a non-specific third-party or collective group or to refer to the fortunate one as being the envy:

Ah ha, with this success you will be the envy of your colleagues.

All the world will watch with envy

But this does drift back into the vibe of ill will. Replacing envy with aspire to or aspiration works:

Ah ha, your success will be the aspiration of your colleagues.

All the world will aspire to be as you

Improve this answer
2
  • 1
    Very nice - you're certainly on to something here. I agree attaching the emotion to the inanimate object or concept makes it more joyful. I'll look towards fortunate - that feels to me like a better neighborhood than envy. I totally agree "... the envy of your colleagues" and "... watch with envy" seem to me to imply malevolent envy.
    – bmike
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:55
  • It's difficult to get away from overtones of envy with all the offerings here. You'll be the envy of your colleagues tries to distance the speaker from it - but it's still there, obviously. And May your success spread to those you love just sounds like something off a Chinese fortune cookie to me.
    – FumbleFingers
    Jul 17, 2011 at 21:42
1

Well, what you have is admiration for that person. That means that you aspire to be in their position but don't mean any harm to them. Quite different from envy.

Improve this answer
1
  • 1
    I don't see how you can admire your friend's good fortune in winning the lottery, for example.
    – FumbleFingers
    Jul 17, 2011 at 3:37
1

Envy does have a negative connotation, even if qualified with "benign." How about using a poetic adjective, green? Maybe say, "slightly green."

If that's a bit too funny. I would go with "quiet happiness" or "modest joy"

Improve this answer
6
  • 1
    Not really what I was shooting for - jealousy seems to me to be more about anticipated loss. I'm envoius of their another's good situation - something I haven't necessarily yet had or obtained and therefore can't yet be insecure about losing.
    – bmike
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:48
  • 1
    How about "restrained vicarious happiness" ? This is making me scratch my head.
    – Caffeinated
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:52
  • 2
    How about Munchausen's happiness by proxy?
    – FumbleFingers
    Jul 16, 2011 at 21:57
  • 1
    ty - I'm not sure OP can really have a word to mean "benign envy" either, unless we redefine the word "envy". By the same token, if anyone's ever diagnosed with Munchausen's happiness by proxy, I don't think it would be called a "disease". :)
    – FumbleFingers
    Jul 16, 2011 at 22:06
  • 1
    I love the Munchausen's happiness by proxy - agree we can ditch envy and look for a better single word that relates my happiness to another's happiness :-) All the great help here makes me happy.
    – bmike
    Jul 16, 2011 at 22:31
1

I have had the same dissatisfaction with using the word envy when I want to express a happy sentiment for my friend's good fortune. Envy is after all one of the seven deadly sins, and that's not exactly what I'm trying to say. I've instead tried to figure out how to use words like celebrate, congratulate, and laud, which imply a shared experience of joy or appreciation.

I celebrate your good news with my gleeful smile!
Congratulations on the arrival of your new baby!
We laud the fruits of your efforts.

These are all verbs rather than nouns, so they wouldn't fit your chart very well. I'm not sure if that's what you are looking for.

Improve this answer
1

"I'm tickled for you" always works for me.

Improve this answer
1

How about glad? I believe this would be acceptable and unambiguous, spoken or written.

Improve this answer
2
  • Doesn't glad cover both shadenfreude and mudita since it's all about one person's state and isn't specific about why someone is glad?
    – bmike
    May 4, 2013 at 18:54
  • It could, but you asked for a word to convey a positive emotion at someone's good fortune rather than using 'envy' which has negative connotations. Therefore it would be related to the positive event. I don't think "I'm so glad he's got a new job/settling down with Jane" could be interpreted in a negative way.
    – Mynamite
    May 4, 2013 at 23:11
0

The simplest way I can think of of expressing this is:

Congratulations.

It's become a bit of a commonplace, but etymologically, at least, it means "We are pleased together" or "I am pleased along with you." The adjectival form is "congratulatory."

You can also express the same sentiment with expressions like "You deserve this," again implying that you approve of their good fortune.

Improve this answer
0

Consider "rejoice."

rejoice: to feel or express joy or triumph.

Improve this answer
0

A friend has clued me in to two terms that I’m using in addition to mudita. Neither is super common usage afaik, but hit the nail directly on the head for me.

Freudenfreude is the German word for finding joy in other people’s success. It is the opposite of schadenfreude--finding joy in the misfortune of others.

Nachas is the kind of fun where you find yourself actually feeling happy for someone else. Because of someone else.

Improve this answer
-1

Positively envious of you, or have positive envy for your position.

Improve this answer
1
  • Welcome to EL&U. This is not a discussion forum, but a Q&A site; as such answers should provide some explanation, including suitable references. I am not familiar with the phrases positively envious or positive envy for the situation described; can you provide a context, or example, or at least a part of the world where it might be in popular use? It is not popular in American English, I am quite certain.
    – choster
    Apr 21, 2014 at 14:55

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.