I'm currently searching for a word for what I call "necessary kindness".
Let's say there are two people who normally don't get along with each other. When they are together in public, however, they treat each other with politeness and respect, according to social norms.
By the way, the word doesn't necessarily have to have a negative connotation, nor does it need to convey rudeness or offensiveness.
I would also like to be able to use a word in a situation such as when a friend or acquaintance compliments you.
"You look nice today!" "I appreciate your ______ but that's not necessary"
In that case, the 2 people aren't "tolerating" each other just being unnecessarily polite.