I'm looking for a word that means that something is the opposite of itself.
Like wanting to be alone but being afraid of being alone.
The word sounds something similar to ignorant I think.
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Perhaps you are looking for irreconcilable? You might say that your feelings are difficult to reconcile, akin to saying that you are conflicted, as was suggested in the comments. You might also say that you find it difficult to reconcile someone else's behavior with their words, in which case conflicted would not be appropriate.
If you are asking what to call a word that has opposing meanings - being it's own antonym - that word is contronym or auto-antonym.
You could also use the word contradictory: mutually opposed or inconsistent.
A statement that contradicts itself, i.e., a statement that makes a claim that the same thing is true and that it is false at the same time and in the same senses of the terms. There is a contradiction in Clarence Page's statement that a woman should have the right to choose and decide for herself whether to have an abortion, and at the same time she should not have that right. There is a contradiction in what you say - she can't be both married and single.
In the physical sense, things can appear counter (something else), balanced (in equal opposition to something), the negative, the antithesis, the counterform, the complement, exact opposite (Two words, I know.), or maybe evil twin might do. ; )
Depending on the amount of opposition, the protagonist may be left uncommitted, ambivalent, indecisive, hesitant, conflicted, obdurate, and counterbalanced.