So I've been briefly looking into this subject not thinking much about how rare it is to have high control over personal emotion and more for a literal term for someone like this. But from what I have read it seems to be most humans feel at least some emotion and have little control over them (when I say control, I mean literal complete control like playing a video game not calming yourself down).
The reason I was interested in this is because of my girlfriend, she is very emotional and I have a very hard time keeping up and understanding her reasoning for that emotion, yes I have gotten many responses like: "well she is a girl" or "maybe it's her period" or her personal favouring "I don't know" usually followed by crying and it always confused me as I seem to be a relatively low emotion person but through recent personal events I have gained a pretty well rounded grasp of my emotion.
Now while I am not in complete control for example I cannot just make myself switch between emotions in seconds effortlessly happy, sad, depressed, lost, ecstatic and back to happy not at all but what I can do is loose my emotion. It seems grim but this is usually think of it. When I know I'm currently in one emotion I can picture or I dare to say feel a kind of connection, and it's relatively malleable, as I started to understand this and learn about myself I started to paint myself a picture I my head which helps me switch h between.
To be honest all I picture is a kind of wire or connection, all I see is the middle though and if I relax I can move it or disconnect it. Afterwards I don't feel any specific emotion. Contrary to how I picture it I don't belive I completely break the connection though for 2 reasons.
- Being that my personal thoughts and choices are still effected by my personality, I do think more rationally and usually seem vary selfish but there are some choices I make that are not completely robot like.
- Being I still possess the ability to return to my emotional self so there must be some form af connection somewhere.
This also gives me a pretty happy lifestyle as if I ever feel genuinely upset or feel a strong negative feeling (including depression) I can switch over fo nothing which then gives me the rational thought process to understand what's happening and as long as I can understand it or come to peice I can switch again and be happy.
It comes in handy and my personal best for switching states states is: since early morning wad riddled with deep depression, anxiety and pain and it didn't help that the previous 2 nights I did not sleep at all. Around 8 in the morning I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours and was at a very slow mental functioning speed. I had no real thoughts for about 2 hours and only plan was not to let anyone know about how I feel. Luckily I must have looked relatively ok and managed to get to work unbothered by the people who care about me and would want to help.
Luckily that morning in work was quiet and I had jobs that required very little attention. The perfect environment for me to think. For the next hour roughly I had thought over what had happened in the previous couple days and managed to sort it all out and by this time I realised I wasn't as sad. I was now af a neutral level, emotionless, I was then given a good 20 minutes without being talked to by Co workers (Luckily in the sense that it helped me think, I enjoy working with them) and had now completely mapped out in my head: what happened, why, what I should worry about, what was not worth me worrying about, and what and how I had to think to change. The rest of the day went very smooth and j spent most of it singing outside haha.
Although I belive this new found ability is my reward for going through certain experiences in the past and learning from them Including: depression, disassociation, disassociative bipolar disorder and probably more. These are things I went through alone but that's not a sub story or a cry for help its a hero arc. I went through all of that pretty stupidly tbh, most of the things I listed I didn't notice myself but by people around me and my friends, which I then pieced together myself. So it's all worth it now 👍