Is there an English phrase for an inability to actually *leave* already?

Question

There is a Hungarian expression, küszöbgörcs, which literally means "threshold-cramp", and is used to describe that long conversation you have in the entryway, with all the guests awkwardly holding their coats and purses, and every so often somebody says something like "Ok, we really have to leave now, but just one more thing...", and then the conversation is good for another half an hour at least.

I've searched in vain for an equivalent idiom in English, yet I feel sure it must exist: I know English speakers are equally susceptible to this malady, it's not a uniquely Hungarian thing. I will sometimes use literal translations, like the aforementioned threshold-cramp (or doorway-spasm), but then I need to explain it, and that's less than satisfactory. (Plus it leads to more threshold cramping.)

Answer 1

In social work, doorknobbing is the word sometimes used to describe the phenomenon of delaying the important personal revelations until the end of the therapy session when goodbyes are being said.

This option has the advantage of actually being in circulation. It has the disadvantage that it also carries one or two very different meanings of a frank sexual nature.

Answer 2

I coined a phrase a few years back. I call it conversational dieseling. As those familiar with internal combustion engines will tell you, dieseling happens when a gasoline engine is switched off but enough fuel mixture still gets into the cylinders and ignites from the heat, causing the engine to sputter on. I think it describes the inability to end a conversation (or a meeting) pretty well, if I do say so myself. :)

Answer 3

To do such is to dilly-dally:

dil·ly-dal·lied, dil·ly-dal·lying, dil·ly-dal·lies

To waste time, especially in indecision; dawdle or vacillate

Informal: to loiter or vacillate

Of note, I think, is the relation to vacillate, that tells us:

To swing indecisively from one course of action or opinion to another.

And then coupled with loiter:

To stand idly about; linger aimlessly.

In context, the optional actions are to talk, or to leave. You're dilly-dallying.

Note: Usage of this might be primarily a UK thing and certainly not exclusive to talking in doorways, but let's see what you and the rest of us think.

Answer 4

Not a very reliable source, but The Urban Dictionary defines an Irish goodbye as:

A goodbye taking more than 1 hour and in which a new conversation begins. People can spend hours on end standing in the driveway talking, during an Irish Goodbye. Not limited to Irish people, but very common among large Irish Families.

However, that entry has more downvotes than upvotes, and is outranked by what is pretty much the inverse definition:

leaving the bar or anywhere for that matter, without closing niceties, like a kiss goodbye to that annoying girl or mentioning something to your friends

Answer 5

I typically hear and use the phrase long goodbye. Unfortunately, searching for anything to back me up just finds a book, a movie and a song with the same title.

Other options:

• awkward goodbye (also covers emotionally awkward departures)
• lingering conversations (more focused on the conversation; less on the goodbye)

You could also expressions such as deathtrap, time-sink or time killer to describe the situations or people who cause them. Here are some example uses:

I would have left hours ago if not for the long goodbye.

We often lose ourselves in lingering conversations.

Leaving home typically involves a series of awkward goodbyes.

Avoid the marketing department — they are a complete deathtrap and you'll never get anything done.

Answer 6

When I was younger, I would often visit a friend's house with my mother, or have a friend visit my house with his mother. Inevitably, play time would come to a close. Whichever of us was visiting would get told by our mother to get ready to go while they finished chatting.

We'd be all ready to go, waiting on our mothers, asking, "Mom, when are we leaving?"

"In just a minute," they'd say as they tried to wrap up their conversation. This was usually guarantee-able up to another 10 minutes of play time each time we received this answer.

We ended up calling this phenomenon, "Mommy Minutes."

Although, it's not truly applicable to the OP's question, I feel like I had to throw this in the mix.

Otherwise, I'd vote for "Door-Knobbing," or having continued conversation/lingering in the doorway while holding the door knob, physically indicating an intention of leaving, but not really making much of a verbal effort to commit to the farewell.

Answer 7

lol·ly·gag/ˈlälēˌgag/

Same meaning as dilly-dally, usually used instead of the word "loiter"; To fritter away time, in any idle task, not only talking, usually in a place where you aren't supposed to be, thus the connotation of loitering.

Answer 8

I've heard the terms "goodbye conversation" and "doorway conversation" to refer to this phenomenon. As far as any action behind it, how about "dawdling on doorsteps"?

Answer 9

I don't have a written source, but I have heard of a Minnesota goodbye. Maybe it was on the N.P.R. program "A Prairie Home Companion" with Garrison Keillor.

Answer 10

I did try searching for a common, easily understood idiom which would convey the OP's request. Namely, the phenomenon when just before leaving your house, a guest will invariably remember something which then acts as a trigger for other questions and observations.

But it needn't be a guest leaving your house, it could be the other way round.

I used to have a very dear aunt who lived alone with her dog, out in the sticks, in a tiny tiny Italian village. Once after a long visit, she followed my ex-husband and myself to the car. She was talking so I rolled down the car window. Craftily, she leaned in and began chatting away to us. I could tell my ex was getting exasperated. Unperturbed, or knowing full well days may pass before she had the opportunity to speak to another human being for more than 5 minutes; my aunt gripped onto the car window. My ex-husband switched on the engine and began to slowly move forward, my aunt, still talking, likewise moved along. "Zia!" I cried, "we really have to go now! Ciaooo."

Which led me to think about my aunt hanging on every word, literally clinging onto every word because she didn't want us to leave. But its true idiomatic meaning is quite different; to pay great attention to every word said by an individual, usually a person who you admire.

I then tried "the long good-bye" but that answer had already been suggested by Mr Hen. A similar phrase which would carry a similar meaning might be, dragging out goodbyes. Google gives 741 results, which isn't too bad and on top of that, it's self-explanatory.

My third suggestion is a neologism, be glued to a door knob describing that moment when a guest's hand is stuck firmly on the door knob.

For half an hour, she hung on every word she said. She just didn't want us to leave.

She dragged out her goodbyes for thirty minutes before leaving.

She was glued to the door knob for thirty minutes, I thought she'd never leave.

Answer 11

The closest actual phrase used around this concept in English is

"I thought they'd never leave"

It doesn't absolutely specifically refer to the Argentinian- / Irish- / Hungarian- / etc. final-stage dragging out the goodbyes literally at the door, while standing up, but it can be used that way in context. (Indeed, the same applies to dilly-dally.)

The fact is, there is no specific "at the doorway" phrase in English. Other than, regionally, " Goodbyes".