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The effect of the sensory images is that it renders the pizza in a way that makes it sound like it bends the laws of nature, as if it is something so revolutionary that one needs to experience it so as to truly appreciate its remarkable qualities.

This is a simple and straightforward question — is the second "as if" (the one after the comma) an appropriate way to structure this sentence?

  • Is it me, or does the singular pronoun "it renders" stand for the plural "sensory images"? But I don't see anything wrong with the "as if" or the "so as to". – Peter Shor Dec 14 '15 at 1:30
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I can only see one "as if" and it looks fine :)

If you want to be formal, you can use the preterit in this clause as it's a type 2 conditional:

as if it was (or were) something so revolutionary that one needed to experience it so as to truly appreciate its remarkable qualities.

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    Surely not. Either present "is" or modal preterite "was" seem equally acceptable. Irrealis "were" would also be possible, though somewhat formal. – BillJ Dec 13 '15 at 21:10
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    My main difficulty with the sentence is the unconvincing relationship between "images" and "sound" (sight > hearing). But I concede that I don't really understand what the sentence is actually trying to say. Is it something as simple as "Glossy ads make the new pizza look unbelievably attractive."? – Cargill Dec 13 '15 at 21:48
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Bad style, you are right. I read it carefully and in a way that makes it sound like and as if are actually the same so it is definitely the case of unnecessary repetition. On top of that, I do not see any logic of using sound like.

First attempt:

The effect of the sensory images is that it renders the pizza as if it bends
the laws of nature, like it is something so revolutionary that one needs to
experience it so as to truly appreciate its remarkable qualities.

Second problem is very clumsy one needs to experience it so as to. Third problem is that you do not need the effect, again it is unnecessary repetition. On third thought, bending laws of nature does not require as if at all. Its logic is as if already. Truly, remarkable, qualities again repetition after repetition. And one is actually everyone I think, since that is giving the desirable logical edge.

The sensory images are rendering the pizza bending the laws of nature, 
baked so innovatively that everyone must try it in order to appreciate
the remarkable qualities.

I think this is all that you need.

  • Do you really want to use revolutionary as an adverb? I know think different worked very well in advertising, but you should really consider careful before you stop speaking grammatical and start baking revolutionary. – Peter Shor Dec 14 '15 at 1:23
  • the point was in changing revolutionary all together, I did not take that into account so I just kept rewritting, since pizza cannot be revolutionary even within as if, it can be made, baked revolutionarily, but this is suggesting some sort of rebellion and this is probably not good so innovatively is fine. It sounds excessive but this is on purpose. As I said these are all attempts. – user98900 Dec 14 '15 at 10:09

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