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I searched everywhere to find out what this joke means:

"What do you call a Halloween boner?"
"Petrified wood!"

Wood is probably slang for boner. Maybe erectile dysfunction, but I still don't understand anything here.

English is not my mother tongue.

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    As far as I'm aware, boner cannot function as a mass noun. Insert a to fix this.
    – reinierpost
    Nov 1, 2015 at 22:31

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Both boner and wood are vulgar synonyms for an erection. The joke (such as it is) consists of a play on the word petrified, which literally means turned to stone -- petrified wood refers to trees that have had their organic matter replaced with minerals. But it also has come to mean frightened into immobility. And frightening things are associated with Halloween.

Addendum: Those who would like to see petrified wood may go to the Petrified Forest National Park in Arizona, USA. Those who can't may still wish to go here.

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    And it is a very poor joke.
    – Hot Licks
    Nov 1, 2015 at 21:11
  • 3
    Oh, I don't know. It kinda grows on me.
    – deadrat
    Nov 1, 2015 at 21:23
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    @deadrat- TMI!
    – Jim
    Nov 1, 2015 at 21:24
  • @HotLicks : What would you expect? It's a Halloween joke.
    – Ricky
    Nov 1, 2015 at 21:32
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    Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
    – Jim
    Nov 1, 2015 at 21:37

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