Trying to think of a way to make this joke work-appropriate.

"If we store GPS coordinates to a precision of 10 decimal points, we could even measure the size of your [expletive deleted]."

What is something funnily small, yet work appropriate?

I've tried a few, but doesn't have the same impact:

  • my pension
  • your remaining hairline
  • my post-divorce bank account
  • quarks

closed as primarily opinion-based by Drew, Mitch, tchrist, JEL, Brian Hooper Oct 23 '15 at 13:13

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • What's the nature of the business? – JHCL Oct 19 '15 at 21:24
  • software company – nothingisnecessary Oct 19 '15 at 21:28
  • 2
    Unless you really insist on attacking one individual (yourself included), I’d change the “your/my” to “our” and have the joke attack the company instead. This might open up more possibilities (& for me, it makes “our pensions” [or even something like “our parking (G?) spots”] pretty funny, or at least less aggressive against co-workers). – Papa Poule Oct 19 '15 at 21:38
  • 2
    I would avoid anything with "your" as having the potential to offend, and would avoid anything related to compensation/benefits ("my pension") assuming not everyone has the same (maybe you joke that your pension is small, but someone else doesn't have any pension at all). Consider a space with a small physical area -- e.g., if the office has a small microwave and that is well-known -- or something to do with small creatures (a mouse's smartwatch?), or just go with "quarks" which is perfectly safe. Sometimes jokes you can make at work without worrying are not the funniest jokes! – vstrong Oct 19 '15 at 21:39
  • Thanks - these are good tips. I do like the size of parking spots / kitchen as a reference. I think I will play it safe and stay topical with "Trump's hairline" or "the education budget" or something (Trump comment is probably safe here because we live in the bluest of blue states, and his only value to us is entertainment value anyway.) – nothingisnecessary Oct 19 '15 at 21:55

... even measure who got there first

†if the GPS device were small enough not to have an adverse effect upon motility.

  • Ok, still trying to get this, so thought I'd ask - huh?? Is it a reference to a photo finish or something? Did you really mean motility or is that a typo? So confused.. – nothingisnecessary Oct 22 '15 at 22:26
  • No, not a typo :) – TRomano Oct 22 '15 at 22:44
  • I am guessing this refers to sperm cells, the difference between the one that did get there first and the runners-up being measured in units much smaller than a millimeter. "Motility" is a measure of sperm cells' ability to reach its goal. – htmlcoderexe Jan 30 '17 at 13:53

I would vote for IQ - (Intelligence Quotient). Basically it implies that the butt of the joke is somewhat below par on intelligence.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.