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"By the downfall of Jay Gatsby, Myrtle’s and George’s unfortunate marriage, and the usage of symbolism Fitzgerald shows the reader how doomed the current American Dream is to fail."

The sentence is kind of long and stretched, but I need to formulate it correctly.

closed as off-topic by JHCL, choster, tchrist, TimLymington, Hellion Oct 21 '15 at 16:58

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

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  • Sorry to ask, but is this a homework question? Why do you think the sentence is incorrectly "formulated"? – deadrat Oct 19 '15 at 7:24
  • I'm writing an essay, and I didn't like the way I wrote my thesis statement. – Συλχαν Oct 19 '15 at 7:37
  • Ah, then please forgive my suspicions. This really isn't within the remit of this site, but I'll tell you (for what it's worth) what I find wrong with the sentence: you've grouped three things that don't belong together -- the overall lesson and arc of the story (Gatsby's downfall), the failed relationship of two characters in the story (Myrtle and George), and the author's technique (symbolism). – deadrat Oct 19 '15 at 7:53
  • As far as I know that's how you're supposed to write a thesis. Unify all 3 arguments in one statement and claim something. – Συλχαν Oct 19 '15 at 7:59
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    You're right, but you haven't unified the arguments. Try this: By the overall arc of the protagonist's story, the plot devices involving other characters, and the symbolic technique of the narrative, Fitzgerald reveals the doom of the "American Dream" of his time. (It's not current; current is now.) Here I've stated three writing techniques. Does that make sense? – deadrat Oct 19 '15 at 8:16
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Can be done this way:

Through the downfall of Jay Gatsby, Myrtle and George’s unfortunate marriage, and the usage of symbolism, Fitzgerald shows the reader how doomed the current American Dream is.

I don't think you'd need the extra apostrophe for Myrtle because the marriage is their united relationship. Comma was missing after symbolism and doomed is already used so it isn't necessary to use fail. Serves as redundancy, IMO.

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