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As your personal trainer, it is my mission to work with you to achieve your fitness goals, in a fun, and challenging environment, designed to get you the body you want and deserve.

Does this work? Maybe I've been looking at it too long but it seems awkward to read. Any suggestions are welcome!

Thank you.

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    I'd remove the comma after fun. Also "designed to get you...." seems a bit off. What is being designed? – Graham Nicol Oct 4 '15 at 20:59
  • I thought that too, thanks. The designed was to meant to imply I'm creating a fun environment designed to get the best workout for you. – user1864592 Oct 4 '15 at 21:13
  • I do not believe fun is an adjective, nor in my view an apt word to use. The OED dictionary meaning of funny, the adjectival inflection of fun, is affording fun, mirth-producing, comical, facetious. Is that what you mean to include in your 'mission statement'? – WS2 Oct 4 '15 at 21:13
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    Commas serve a grammatical purpose, namely to guide your reader into parsing your sentence properly. Thus each comma you use should have a reason for its presence. Style guides have codified these. The guides differ and their rules are flexible, but there are some agreed-upon standards. Can you justify each comma? I'll start: The comma after trainer serves to separate an introductory adverbial clause from the main clause. – deadrat Oct 4 '15 at 21:15
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    @WS2 Fun has been an adjective for decades with the meaning an interval in spacetime in which people (usually children) will enjoy themselves. Familiy Fun Time, Fun Time With Bonzo, Fun Time With Numbers -- these are all found with the Ngram viewer. Try it: you'll have a fun time. It's a particularly apt locution for an ad for these services, which attempts to convince people that they will enjoy what is likely to be nothing short of a misery. – deadrat Oct 4 '15 at 21:25
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Try this:

As your personal trainer, it is my mission to work with you to achieve your fitness goals in a fun and challenging environment designed to get you the body you want and deserve.

By removing the comma after "environment," that is is implied: ("...environment that is designed..."). You could leave the comma there, which would make "designed to get..." additional (non-essential) information.

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On the assumption that it is the environment being designed, I’d say:

As your personal trainer, it is my mission to work with you to achieve your fitness goals in a fun and challenging environment, which is designed to get you the body you want and deserve.

Another option, depending on what you think of the style, might be:

…a fun and challenging environment – an environment designed to get you the body you want and deserve.

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