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I'm trying to simplify this sentence, but I can't figure out how. The string of "was when even after" makes it sound very odd, especially when you read it out loud.

The most unusual situation I have faced was when even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys, no one was willing to give me a project for six long months.

What I am trying to say is that even though I had completed the course required to become a consultant, I was sitting on my haunches without a project for 6 months. The rest of the essay details this situation.

Edit:

The most unusual situation I have faced was when no one was willing to give me a project for six long months, even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys.

Thanks to @SomethingDark. I think that's what I'm going to go with. Thanks!

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  • 1
    Put a comma after "when." Aug 29, 2015 at 2:52
  • @SomethingDark : too many commas ?
    – Anees Rao
    Aug 29, 2015 at 2:53
  • 2
    On the contrary; not enough commas. "Even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys" should be treated as an appositive, and the main sentence becomes "The most unusual situation I have faced was when no one was willing to give me a project for six long months." Aug 29, 2015 at 2:56
  • Alternatively, you can move "even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys" to the end of the sentence. Aug 29, 2015 at 2:56
  • I'd probably use parentheses (what I use for interjections) where those commas go in the first example, but that rewrite is even better.
    – Mazura
    Aug 29, 2015 at 3:26

4 Answers 4

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This

The most unusual situation I have faced was when even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys, no one was willing to give me a project for six long months.

needs an opening parenthetical comma

The most unusual situation I have faced was when, even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys, no one was willing to give me a project for six long months.

Which reads the same as:

The most unusual situation I have faced was when (even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys) no one was willing to give me a project for six long months.

You can double check this by removing the parenthetical portion and see if what's left still makes sense.

The most unusual situation I have faced was when no one was willing to give me a project for six long months.

However, this

The most unusual situation I have faced was when no one was willing to give me a project for six long months, even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys.

seems fine as is to me.

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[S [subject The most unusual situation I have faced ] was [time-adverb when [S even [time-adverb after [S I technically became a consultant at Infosys]], [subject no one] was [adj-phrase willing to give me a project] for six long months.]]]

I think it's okay as is -- just a little complicated. I'd say "had become" instead of "became".

"I've faced some unusual situations, but the worst was at Infosys. For six long months, no one there was willing to give me a project, even though I had technically become a consultant."

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The grammatical structure of your sentence is fine:

Subject ("situation") -- Verb ("was") -- Predicate complement ("When" clause)

And when what you have to say is simple, there's no problem. I think you'll agree that the following sentence with the same basic structure isn't bothersome:

The worst times are when I'm lonely.

But in your sentence, you're asking your reader to take in three heavily modified descriptions -- an unusual situation, the interval in which you were idle, and the time when you became a consultant. Right away the situation takes a reduced relative clause ("[that] I have faced"). At the end, the idle period requires a long infinitive phrase ("to give ....").

The temporal aspects are complicated as well. The situation takes the present perfect, so some time in the past up to the present. An enduring past enforced idleness as reported ("was willing"), which must overlap with the situation, and which isn't defined until we get to the past point of your hiring. Unfortunately in your edited version your reader even hears about the idleness first and the hiring second, although that's not the order in which they occurred.

English grammar allows you to do all this, but at the cost of tiring your reader. The hardest thing you as a writer have to learn to do is take one of your precious sentences out behind the barn and shoot it to put it out of your and your reader's misery.

Try two simpler sentences:

After Infosys hired me as a consultant, I had to wait six long months before I was trusted with a project. In my entire career, that was the most unusual situation I had to confront.

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The least amount of rewriting:

The most unusual situation I have faced was that even after I technically became a consultant at Infosys, no one was willing to give me a project for six long months.

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