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Would the structure of the following text be linguistically correct in a fictional write-up:

Her beauty arises to action. Pierces my camera lens. Stabs the prism.

Please take note of the latter two sentences that begin with a verb. Is it okay to use such descriptions, or should I introduce the subject again (the subject being beauty)? My goal here is build the momentum of the narration by using short crisp sentences.

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    Yes, it's only a question of style. As a rule of thumb, you are free to shape your text any way your audience can cope with. If you feel you need to bend the rules of syntax for rhetorical reasons (building up tension or whatever), go ahead and do it. No one will report you to the grammar-police ;) – Matthaeus Aug 3 '15 at 9:22
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    As most of the others have said: No, it's not grammatical, and no, it doesn't really matter, as long as it sounds good. That said, grammar evolved in the first place to make sure that everyone could communicate in the most effective way. I'd advise using such exotic structures sparingly--whole pages of this sort of thing might be tiring. – Doug Warren Aug 3 '15 at 13:35
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All you have to do in a case like this is show the grammar police your poetic licence.

Definition of poetic licence in English: noun [mass noun]

The freedom to depart from the facts of a matter or from the conventional rules of language when speaking or writing in order to create an effect: ‘he used a little poetic licence to embroider a good tale’

Oxford Dictionaries

  • Thanks for sharing this definition. I will wait for few more English linguists to share their take on this form of sentence construction before I mark one of the responses as an answer. – learning_fly Aug 3 '15 at 9:50
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    On a more serious note - I don't see poetic licence as an excuse for writing any old rubbish. I'd say that your use of language in that particular excerpt works really well - it would be crass to criticise it on purely grammatical grounds. – chasly from UK Aug 3 '15 at 12:41
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In fiction, you can write what you like.

My endeavor here is [to] build the momentum of the narration by using short crisp sentences.

"Her beauty arises to action. Pierces my camera lens. Stabs the prism." does just that. Putting the verbs first stresses them in the way you're looking for ( also picking up the word "action"). We don't need the subject repeated because we can remember it, the "sentences" being short. In this case, to elevate phrases to the status of a sentence is to give just the punch and sharpness you want.

I like it.

  • Margana, thanks for sharing your insight. Your response gives me enough confidence to write my heart out! I'm glad you like this type of sentence construction and I hope many more do. – learning_fly Aug 3 '15 at 9:47

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