Is the sentence structure in the following line acceptable?

"Regarding the safety measures mentioned in the 2005 contract draft, at the meeting, Sinclair was to present to the CEO Burke's agreement to define the areas where the listed systems will apply on all sides of the fields."

Also given that neither the contract nor the agreement were accepted, shouldn't it be "would apply" near the end?

(Background info: The contract dates back to 2005 and was never signed, Sinclair and Burke are still alive, the CEO's been dead for 7 years.)

closed as off-topic by RegDwigнt Jul 14 '15 at 11:33

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  • I don't think there should be a comma after meeting. The sentence runs on a bit, so even if it's grammatical, it's confusing. – Barmar Jul 14 '15 at 9:14
  • I agree with you about would rather than will. – Barmar Jul 14 '15 at 9:51
  • Define "sentence structure". What do you not like about it? Define "acceptable". Acceptable to whom? By which standard? It is clearly an English sentence. What kind of acceptance does it need beyond that? – RegDwigнt Jul 14 '15 at 11:34
  • At the meeting regarding the safety measures mentioned in the 2005 contract draft, Sinclair was to present Burke's agreement to define the areas where the listed systems would apply on all sides of the fields, to the CEO. – user98990 Jul 14 '15 at 13:39

Using "would" seems mandatory, but I think this is a small thing compared to the confusion in the rest of the sentence.

The long "Regarding" clause immediately confused me, then a parenthetical location, as if it's an afterthought, then the CEO and Burke in disturbingly close proximity (good thing you mentioned they were different people), with Sinclair's role as an intermediary left enigmatic.

Was the agreement presented to the CEO? What does present mean here? Just give it to him as a kind of gift? If it's a slide presentation, what is being presented? A written document? I gather it was a proposal, not an accomplished fact, since you said it wasn't accepted.

How do systems apply on all sides of the fields? Were there areas where the listed systems would only apply on some sides of the fields?

Context would surely help, but it's the sort of hasty writing that leaves everyone who wasn't there wondering what it was all about. Here is a totally hypothetical stab at reorganizing:

Safety measures in the draft contract for 2005 were discussed at the meeting. Sinclair was scheduled to present Burke's tentative agreement to the CEO. The agreement specified that the systems listed in the contract would apply to the perimeters of every field.

Just a guess, but I think it puts the information in a clearer order, though I'm sure I got the fields part wrong. Hope this is useful

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