This person would say things that wound you and then after an hour she comes to you all smiley and tries to make up for the things she said. Not in a serious manner but really lightheartedly, saying things like

'You know I didn't mean it :D'

'Hey are you mad? XD'

I don't know. It's not mushy - mushy is different.

  • I don't know either. Fickle? Mercurial? Those aren't quite right. – Dan Bron May 19 '15 at 1:26
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    Did she really mean it when she said the hurtful things? Or does she just have no filter? – Jim May 19 '15 at 3:08
  • Dear Abby, ,,,.. – Blessed Geek May 19 '15 at 3:54
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    @Jim asks relevant questions about your friend's intent. Were the hurtful utterances malicious or merely insensitive? Answering those questions would clarify your request. – Quillmondo May 19 '15 at 4:55
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    thoughtless comes to mind. If she had thought for a moment before saying the hurtful thing, she would not have said it (since she seems to regret it immediately). On the other hand, if she really isn't sorry, she is teasing you_ and/or toying with your emotions (in cruder terms, she is jacking you around.) – Brian Hitchcock May 19 '15 at 6:43

Merriam-Webster's Eleventh Collegiate Dictionary (2003) lists the possibly relevant term soft-soaper under its main entry for soft-soap:

soft-soap vt (1634) : to soothe or persuade with flattery or blarney syn see CAJOLE — soft-soaper n

The dictionary's head-to-head comparison of the terms cajole, coax, soft-soap, blandish, and wheedle has this to say about soft-soap:

SOFT-SOAP refers to using smooth and somewhat insincere talk usu. for personal gain {politicians soft-soaping eligible voters}

So if the person's attempts to persuade you to "get over it" are successful, she's a skilled soft-soaper; and if they aren't, she's an ineffectual soft-soaper.



From http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/emollient:

Attempting to avoid confrontation or anger; calming or conciliatory.

"At the local carabinieri station, an officer was more emollient: ‘By the end of the month everything should be resolved."


If you think something might be socio-emotionally amiss with this person, it can be fun to flip through the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and just slap a diagnosis on them like Borderline Personality Disorder. Some adjectives related to common BPD behavior include:

  • Manipulative
  • Unstable
  • Defensive
  • Passive Aggressive

You might also describe this person as being in denial. Someone who is in denial of responsibility will often resort to minimizing or blaming their behavior.

  • "Minimizing" is an attempt to make their actions appear to have been harmless. They are minimizing their behavior when, after doing something awful, they say, "It was no big deal."

  • "Blaming" is a statement that shifts culpability of a consequence. A person could be said to be blaming you if, after doing something inappropriate, they say, "What are you so mad about? You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! Don't take everything so seriously!"

It's also possible that you are dealing with a narcissist, either in the pathological schizotypal sense, or just the 'typical American teenager' sense.

Colloquial, non-psychodiagnostic terms that could apply here include saccharine, fake, conniving, disingenuous, nonchalant, unphased, glib and shallow.

Right off the top, however, the first adjective that sprang to mind for me, was bitchy.


Flippant or crass. "marked by disrespectful levity or casualness" Urban Dictionary

Manic. Maniacal. Manipulative. Sociopathic. Bipolar.

  • I take it the down vote is because I used Urban Dictionary as a reference. – user322404 Jun 8 '15 at 3:52
  • I'd have voted someone up, but I just lack the reputation due to this down vote. – user322404 Jun 8 '15 at 3:54

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