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I have a friend who always expects you to be fully understanding, considerate and thoughtful, but when you expect her to behave in the same way, she says you are too picky, a drama queen, and not being thoughtful by asking her to be thoughtful because she is either busy or stressed. Is there a word that describes this type of behavior or person?

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    She is perhaps a hypocrite.
    – user85526
    Commented May 6, 2015 at 12:09
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    She is inconsiderate, and also seems to be high maintenance.
    – jxh
    Commented May 6, 2015 at 17:22
  • Why would you expect there to be a single word for such a specific concept? Commented May 7, 2015 at 10:48
  • Clearly it's hypocritical behavior, but it's also self-serving and outright manipulative. If this isn't a hypothetical question, shake her dust from your sandals.
    – CPerkins
    Commented May 7, 2015 at 13:40

5 Answers 5

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If you mean that he does the opposite of what he says maybe you can use hypocrite.

As suggested in the comments by Hellion and Stannius, this Collins definition that I had included can be seen as too broad, so I am including another definition.

According to Merriam-Webster:

2) a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

If you want to refer to someone who does not think before acting you can use thoughtless Collins:

adjective

1) inconsiderate ⇒ "a thoughtless remark"
2) having or showing lack of thought ⇒ "a thoughtless essay"
3) unable to think; not having the power of thought

or reckless Collins:

adjective

1) having or showing no regard for danger or consequences; heedless; rash

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    I prefer the Oxford Dictionary's definition: "A person who claims to have moral standards or beliefs to which their own behavior does not conform." That Collins definition is way too generic; my 7-year-old is not a hypocrite when he pretends to be a Jedi.
    – Hellion
    Commented May 6, 2015 at 15:05
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    And Merriam-Webster defines it as "a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings" which seems to fit the OP's so-called friend precisely.
    – stannius
    Commented May 6, 2015 at 15:29
  • @Chenmunka yes, you are right. I corrected it Commented May 6, 2015 at 16:05
  • @Hellion I agree with you, I will edit the answer to include your suggestion. By the way, I also liked your argument about your 7-year-old, you are right. May the force be with you =)... Commented May 6, 2015 at 16:11
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This person is "self-centered":

adjective

  1. concerned solely or chiefly with one's own interests, welfare, etc.; engrossed in self; selfish; egotistical.

  2. independent, self-sufficient.

  3. centered in oneself or itself.

www.dictionary.com

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You could say that such a person is:

self-involved: wrapped up in oneself or one’s own thoughts.

Or,

self-serving: having concern for one’s own welfare and interests before those of others

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    If used in OP's context, this does seem to inherently carry the connotation of that person doing it consciously. The person OP's talking about might not realize they're doing it.
    – Flater
    Commented May 6, 2015 at 13:38
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Phoney

a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives.

  • not genuine
  • having a misleading appearance

(vocabulary.com)

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These apply to other hypocritical and/or self-centered behavior, not only to compassion/lack thereof:

  • she doesn't walk the talk

  • she doesn't practice what she preaches

  • It's all about her

  • she's a diva

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