1

I would like to write an essay which gives information about the charts but because I am not native English speaker, when I started to write down my essay I came across the similar problems that I do sometimes.

Here my sentence:

Figure 1 and figure 2 show the percentage of people, WHOSE age is between 25-44 and over 65, WHO purchased concert, cinema and theater tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries, WHICH are Australia, the UK, Malaysia.

Here is my questions:

1.How can I give the information of age and of what do people buy in one sentence?

2.Such vital and important information on the figures can be used as indefinite relative clause? enter image description here

  • Are you planning to take IELTS? – Araucaria Mar 7 '15 at 14:33
  • @Araucaria yep I am :) do you have any advice for me which can improve my writing without making me stress out . – Mrt Mar 11 '15 at 20:23
  • Yes, I do! It would be useful to have the image back again though! I'll have alook when I get back home. Can you put the image back? – Araucaria Mar 11 '15 at 20:33
  • @Araucaria Well I can put the image back but my recent question is general question on writing rather than this question I posted.This question was kind of homework which I've already handed in. – Mrt Mar 11 '15 at 20:38
  • I'm not going to be able to answer it till I get home, but it's easier to illustrate some points with reference to an actual question. This might be a useful question to put on ELL too! (where other people who might do IELTS might be reading) – Araucaria Mar 11 '15 at 20:41
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I would simplify it by omitting some of the relative pronouns.

Figures 1 and 2 show the percentage of people age 25 and over who purchased concert, cinema and theater tickets online during the first three months of 2006 in Australia, the UK and Malaysia.

I believe this is clear, concise and grammatically correct.

(is it really necessary to say 25-44 and over, since that includes everyone over 44 as well?)

  • Thank you for your answer and sorry I 've just noticed I wrote incompletely. I meant 25-44 and 65 + . So there are two different groups which were sampled. – Mrt Mar 6 '15 at 18:42
3

"Figure 1 and figure 2 show the percentage of people whose age is between 25-44 and over, and who purchased concert, cinema and theater tickets online over the first three months of 2006, in three countries, which are Australia, the UK, and Malaysia."

I've omitted the comma after "people", since the sense of the following relative clause is restrictive. I kept the comma after "over" because there is an intonation break here in the pronunciation. I added a comma after "2006", also because of the pronunciation, and to make clearer that the following prepositional phrase goes with the preceding verb phrase that starts with "purchased". The last relative clause is non-restrictive, so it keeps the comma you put after "countries". I added "and" before "Malaysia" (but the preceding comma perhaps should be omitted).

  • Thank you for your answer. Why do you think the last relative clause is non-restrictive? Because the charts give info specific countries? – Mrt Mar 6 '15 at 18:54
  • I think I'd lose the last relative clause altogether and substitute a colon or dash: .. in three countries -- Australia, the UK, and Malaysia – John Lawler Mar 6 '15 at 18:55
  • @Murat, I think the last clause is non-restrictive because it could be omitted and the caption would still be appropriate, though not quite as informative. So the clause merely adds information. – Greg Lee Mar 6 '15 at 19:23
  • @GregLee Can I ask something else? in the same paragraph if we don't use the word whose then which one is appropriate : age, ages, aged .I mean " the percentage of people age / ages / aged between 25 to 44 ..." On the internet I saw all these three versions.I could not figure out when to choose which really – Mrt Mar 6 '15 at 19:26
  • @Murat, I don't know. – Greg Lee Mar 6 '15 at 19:29

protected by tchrist Jan 21 '18 at 19:20

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