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For an introduction to an essay I'm writing, I say the following:

My hand was shaking. I opened the email, and began to read the first line. I only needed to see those first two words: “We’re sorry.” I excused myself from class and walked down to the restroom. I was alone. It was quiet. I studied myself in the mirror.

I am concerned about overusage of the first-person singular pronoun. Trying to alleviate the problem, I have tried adding the word "although" to the beginning of the third sentence. However, the individual who proofread my work said adding the term was not necessary. Any thoughts on whether or not I should enter/admit the term?

closed as primarily opinion-based by Drew, tchrist, RegDwigнt Oct 29 '14 at 10:07

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    I think it is fine. I do not see a problem with it. I has a narrow choice of synonymous words. I hope your problem is solved. – Ali Caglayan Oct 29 '14 at 2:01
  • @Alizter I appreciate the feedback. – user95950 Oct 29 '14 at 2:15
  • This question appears to be off-topic because it vaguely solicits thoughts and opinions without any real focus. – tchrist Oct 29 '14 at 3:08
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    In some contexts repeating any word, whether "I" or "thus" or "then", starts to sound sour, but for an essay or story with the above tone it's fine. – Hot Licks Oct 29 '14 at 3:50
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    Seems easily enough done: My hand was shakng. Opened the emal, and began to read the frst lne. Only needed to see those frst two words: “We’re sorry.” Excused myself from class and walked down to the restroom. Was alone. T was quet. Studed myself n the mrror. – tchrist Oct 29 '14 at 5:59
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If you feel having word "I" leading every sentence is too jarring you could shift its placement to further along in the sentence. E.g. "My hand was shaking. I opened the email, and began to read the first line. The first two words were all I needed to see: “We’re sorry.” Excusing myself from class I walked down to the restroom. I was alone. It was quiet. I studied myself in the mirror."

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After excusing myself from class and walking down to the restroom; I was alone. This is one alternate sentence.

This more than anything means that you are uncomfortable writing in the first person. Try second or third person writing. Many successful authors write entire books in the first person.